


Paladins are Friends, Not Food

by swordbird89



Category: Tokyo Ghoul, Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Basically, Canon-Typical Violence, Don't believe this is angsty? Read the comments. There are tears, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Gen, Ghoul!Lance, Ghouls, Heavy Angst, Hunk & Lance (Voltron) Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, I really love Hunk idk if you can tell, Langst, Monsters, Most things are explained or easily assumed, Nightmares everywhere, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Paladins are their canon ages, Panic Attacks, SIDE NOTE: you don't have to have seen Tokyo Ghoul to read this, Secrets, Tags May Change, aka they're children, ghoul Lance, gore at some points but it's skipable/I'll warn you, it gets nasty im sorry, monster!lance, ptsd mention?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2019-02-24 10:53:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 23,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13212261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swordbird89/pseuds/swordbird89
Summary: If Lance had known he would soon be trapped in space with Earth, and his typical main food source, millions of miles away, maybe he could have packed and maybe he wouldn’t currently be hunched over this toilet throwing up space jelly with the world’s biggest headache.Maybe he wouldn't be eyeing his friends and maybe he wouldn't be considering eating alien cat people.-An alternate universe where Lance is a ghoul.





	1. Warning Signs

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Bloody Ocean Waves](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10388697) by [Twinkledash](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twinkledash/pseuds/Twinkledash). 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance is sick.  
> <800+ Words>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This first chapter is kinda short (less than a 1000 words) but it is supposed to be more of an intro for the actual story so hopefully the next chapter will be longer!  
> This was inspired by another fic by Twinkledash called, "Bloody Ocean Waves" which is incomplete (and up for adoption!).

Living among humans was one thing, dangerous but not uncommon, but Lance had taken a sincere risk when he had joined the Garrison. A place full of highly trained soldiers and the highest security was not a good place for the world’s most hated creature. He could only imagine what would happen if his identity was revealed- that he was a man-eating ghoul. There would be no mercy, he knew that for sure.  
  
But he couldn’t help it, the stars were his calling. From the first time he went with his father to search for suicide victims in the woods and looked up to see the galaxy twinkling back at him he was transfixed. Getting into the Garrison hadn't been easy. First he had to convince his family he wasn't crazy and then he had to really work to get in. After being accepted, it had taken some thinking and at least seven faked medical documents to ensure a steady supply of “special” food, but he had done it. He was halfway to getting to the stars.  
  
How was he to know he would soon be trapped among them inside a giant space castle and piloting a robotic lion? Along with four humans, two human-like aliens, and a handful of space mice?  
  
If he had known, maybe he wouldn’t currently be hunched over this toilet throwing up space jelly with the world’s biggest headache.

“Lance? Are you okay?” Hunk asks from outside the bathroom door, “You’ve been in there a while.”  
  
“Yea,” Lance says, wiping his mouth with his sleeve, “I…” He trails off, tired how having to come up with excuses for this. “I’m just not feeling good, Hunk.”  
  
“Can I come in?”  
  
Lance sighs and reaches over to flush the toilet, “Sure.”  
  
Hunk comes in and closes the door behind him. “Whoa- Dude, you are seriously pale.”  
  
Lance opens his mouth to make a joke about his complexion being perfect but a sharp pain cuts him off. This time from his stomach instead of his head.  
“Is this... Is this about the food thing?” Hunk asks. Lance freezes for a second before remembering he told hunk something about it a while ago at the Garrison to explain the “special treatment” at meal times.  
  
“…Yea,” Lance leans his head against the cool wall and closes his eyes, “My family… My body can’t really digest certain stuff. The meal packs I had at the garrison are pretty much the only thing I can eat, uh, usually.” He glances up at other paladin with a sad smile, “I’ll be okay, just sick. A lot.” His voice drops on the last words. At Hunks forlorn look he adds more cheerfully, “Really. I’ll be fine!”  
  
Hunk squats down beside Lance. “What was-,” His question is stopped by the Castle’s alarms. Lance is internally grateful for the interruption, he doesn’t know how much more he can make up, he was never the best at lying. He was much better at being overly cheerful and, according to Keith, overly obnoxious. Avoiding questions is always easier than answering questions, as his mother would say.  
  
Allura’s voice echoes from the walls, “Paladins! Meet in the Control Room! We’ve approached the Galras’ main Information Port.”  
  
“Guess we should go, huh?” Lance smiles weakly, pulling himself up against the wall with a wince. Never mind, this was going to be miserable.  
  
“Are you sure you can? I’m doubt we’ll need Voltron for this mission. Pidge said we’re just collecting information,” Hunk offers.  
  
It’s tempting but he can’t keep drawing attention to himself like this. Too many questions to answer. As much as he trusts his friends, as that is what they had become, he isn’t going to risk anything.  
  
“Nah- besides, what would the team do without their sharpshooter!” He winks and attempts to make a pose, the key word being attempts.  
  
“Lance, I really think you should-,” Lance cuts Hunk off by standing up and pushing past him towards the door. He stumbles at first but quickly gets his footing.  
  
“No time, Hunk! There’s information that needs collecting!” The blue paladin says exultantly, pinching some color back in his cheeks before dramatically pulling open the door and continuing towards the Castle’s Control Room.  
  
Hunk stands there for a moment in a daze, trying to process what had just happened. The way Lance had just brushed off his own pain, which Hunk had just seen was pretty extreme, and merrily skipped out the door like nothing had happened only a moment later.  
  
Lance had said he couldn’t digest certain things, yet they’d been away from Earth for a few months now. Had this been going on the whole time? Why hadn’t he said anything?  
  
Hunk sighs and follows Lance to the Control Room. Something is up with Lance and Hunk is going to find out what.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first fan fiction, I read a lot (“a lot” being undermining) and have written other things- just not a fan fiction. So I’m sorry if this is horrible. (；・∀・) I don’t have a “beta” or anything so please comment if you see any mistakes! Or anything I could have written better, thanks!
> 
> /Please. Leave a Comment. It gives me life./


	2. Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance meets with the team.
> 
> <1200+ words>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I lied (kinda). I was thinking about it and decided it's better to post slightly shortish chapters in order to get them out quicker, like with this one that I said would be out in a couple weeks (keep in mind- I won't always update this fast. Consider it a New Year's gift!) 
> 
> Side Note- I'm doing my best to keep out spoilers for Netflix's Voltron but there may be some slight references to newer episodes, so I recommend being caught up before reading!

Lance hurries down the hall away from the bathroom. As much as he hopes Hunk will drop it he’s certain he’ll bring it up again.

As he reaches the Control Room doors he pauses and takes a breath. He’d been able to keep himself under control so far but he knows he can only last so long. The longest he’s ever heard of a ghoul going without eating was about seventy days, then he broke down in public and was shot down, not before the guy had eaten a considerable amount of his human girlfriend, of course. He shivers. He needs to eat soon.

He pushes open the door, “Ready to kick some Galra butt?” Lance asks as he struts into the room. The rest of the team, excluding Hunk and himself, are already there.

“Sure took you long enough. Where’s Hunk?” Keith asks, crossing his arms.

“Right behind you,” Hunk answers, causing Keith to jump, Lance laughs. Keith jumps around and acts as though he’s about to yell at Lance- and maybe Hunk?

“Alright, children, settle down,” Pidge chides sarcastically, sitting on one of the couches. “Allura has news about the mission!”

“Thank you, Pidge. If this mission goes well, Lance, there should be no need to, how did you say? ‘Kick some Galra butt?’,” Lance snickers, earning a glare from Keith. What? It’s not every day you get to hear a princess say ‘butt’. Allura coughs, “Anyway, this mission is strictly for collecting the history records of Galra’s advances in technology, only engage in combat if necessary.”

“Uh, Allura, we already know this? What’s the news?” Hunk asks.

“Oh. Right. So this Information Port is less military-based than we initially anticipated.”

“What does that mean? Isn’t that a good thing?” Lance tilts his head.

“Yes and no. While this means there is less security than we originally anticipated, it also means there will be civilians present.”

“Basically, the Information Port is more of a high-security public library,” Pidge explains.

That’s his que, Lance perks up. “Cool! That means cute alien ladies, right? Right?” Lance glances at Allura, who is giving him a flat look, his face falls, “So… Not right?”

“Unless you are interested in female galra, that would be a no, Lance,” Allura answers.

Lance sticks out his tongue, “Ew! No way!” He turns to Keith and raises his hands, “No offense, Keith.”

“How- Why would I take offense to that?” Keith answers angrily. Pidge stifles a laugh with her hand as Lance shrugs looking away innocently.

Talking about girls and antagonizing Keith, everything’s back to normal. Lance glances at Hunk, who is looking at him with an odd expression. Well quiznak.

Shiro drags a hand down his face. “This is no time to argue, we need to set up a plan.”

Pidge gets up and brings up a scan of the library at her workstation. She points out an entrance at the back of the building. “I was able to get a scan of the library. Here’s our best bet at getting in, it’s a janitor exit and is unguarded as it is only openable from the inside.” Lance wonders how she got all this information from one scan but isn’t going to question it, he probably wouldn’t understand her explanation anyway.

“Uh. Pidge, I hate to burst your bubble here but how are we supposed to open a one-way door,” Hunk asks, leaning in to see the screen better, “We’re kinda on the wrong side.”

“We’ll bust in!” Lance kicks the air dramatically making a ‘boom’ noise.

“Uh, no. While it’s not guarded that would set off these alarms here,” Pidge points to some thin pink lines that trail the walls, completely covering the map. Lance puts his leg down with a huff. “We’d have better luck waiting for a janitor to come out. The trash chute is far enough away that they probably prop the door open. That’s our chance to get in.”

“Great work, Number Five!” Coran shouts, putting a hand on Lance’s shoulder. Lance flinches, he forgot Coran was there. He needs to pay better attention.

While he usually does his best to ignore the smells around him, Coran’s hand is currently too close to ignore. Lance struggles to keep his face straight, not because he has an urge to bite Coran or anything, but because Coran smells _horrible_. He’s not sure why but the two Alteans smell like sewage. Really intense, rotting sewage. Since nobody else has mentioned it he guesses it’s a ghoul thing.

He pulls away from Coran before his eyes start watering, pretending to try to get a better look at the map.

“So we wait for the trash man then we’re in. Easy enough. Let’s go!” Shiro raises an eyebrow at Lance’s phrasing, but nods.

“We can work out the rest of the details along the way, it’s only a matter of time before the Castle is detected,” Shiro glances at Allura, “Military base or not.”

“We should all go in the green lion, the shielding cloak should cover us till we get to the surface,” Pidge adds, and Lance agrees before he remembers how small the inside of one of the lions is with five people. Especially the green and red lions. He wants to protest this but the rest of the team seems to already be in agreement. Plus he has no logical, human reason to be against it.

He sighs, what could go wrong anyways? He’s been fine so far, so this will be fine too.

He follows his team out towards the green lion’s bay area. They’re talking about the details of this mission but Lance can’t make himself pay attention, he’s too busy trying to stay calm.

Sure, he’s able to control himself in the castle, but that’s because it’s large enough to ignore their scents, and he can go to a different room if something happens. Being inside one of the smallest lions along with four humans was completely different.

He feels his heartbeat pick up and his breathing quickens. The Alteans are a factor too, their lingering scent always puts eating far from his mind. Had Allura or Coran even been inside the green lion since they had become paladins? He can’t remember.

“Uh, Lance? Buddy?” Hunk’s voice cuts through Lance’s thoughts.

Lance shakes his head, “What?”

“You were kind of out of it there. Are you okay?” Hunk leans in and whispers, “Is this about the food thing? You’re pale- Again.”

Lance can feel sweat running down his back under his suit. He really needs to calm down.

“Heh heh… Can’t hide anything from you can I, Hunk?” Lance whispers and forces a smile and gets better control over his breathing. Overthinking this won’t help, only hurt.

“Lance…” Hunk starts as the team approaches the green lion.

Lance snaps back to himself as he finally calms down completely. As nervous as Hunk’s recent questions are making him he’s glad the yellow paladin snapped him out of it. He glances around, luckily only Hunk had noticed his little existential crisis, the others still to caught up in the mission plans.

The lion crouches down and opens its maw, allowing the paladins to enter.

The other paladins quickly begin filing in, and Lance follows, though slowly and stiffly. He’s really going through a mental rollercoaster here. He sighs, letting his stance relax, might as well get it over with. He follows his team into the small space, hoping they’ll all make it out in one piece. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapters should have some actual ghoul scenes /as I'm very excited to write them!/ No promises though .-.
> 
> ((Fan Fact- this story was supposed to be an exercise one-shot but I got over excited after the first paragraph... whoops :b))
> 
> If you see any grammar/spelling/totally-not-plausible-even-in-this-au errors, please don't hesitate to tell me! Thanks!  
> And comments are very much appreciated! Special thanks to Demon_Dream, Waslala, and NightTyger for your comments on the last chapter! <3


	3. Green

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team heads to the library.  
> <1700+ Words>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter! (Wow I'm really pumping these out quickly :O) 
> 
> Happy new year! (again)

~~~~Lance clambers into the Green Lion’s cockpit and sits down on the side storage compartment behind the main pilot’s seat. Lance glances around, maybe he was just overreacting? It was tight inside, yes, but it wasn’t like they were sitting on top of each other. Not really?

Once the lion’s mouth closed, however, Lance’s thoughts quickly change. The air inside the compartment is ventilated, yes, but it is stagnant enough that the human’s scents around him started to gradually grow stronger and become more difficult to ignore.

Lance glances over his teammates. Pidge is in the pilot’s seat preparing her lion for their flight, chattering away to Shiro, who, despite nodding along with Pidge, has a look on his face giving away that her language is going completely over his head. Lance cracks a smile at that and looks over to Keith and Hunk. Keith is rubbing at a spot on his helmet, eyes glazed over, lost in thought and Lance doesn’t have the strength to tease him out of it.

Hunk, however, is giving him that concerned look again and he doesn’t have the strength to talk himself out of that at the moment either. He shakes his head and turns to watch out the window, willing Hunk to stay quiet, at least for now.

The library sits on a dusty brown planet, according to a small hologram on the lion’s dash area. The building is a grayish red and blocky, the only decoration is a bright, red statue in the front of the building’s entrance. He can’t see its face but he guesses it's of Zarkon.

There’s some small hut-like structures and ships scattered around the planet as well, though not many.

As Pidge takes off Lance grabs at the edge of his seat and concentrates on thinking of literally anything else but eating as the humans’ scents grow stronger in the small space. The dull planet could only distract him for so long. He thinks of the beach back home, with its gentle waves and soft sands. Of the stars he once gazed at in wonder and now passed by as though they were simple bushes on the side of a busy street. Of his lion, the first they discovered, the color of everything he loved on Earth.

He thinks of his team, his friends, his new-found family. The Alteans, Allura and Coran, even with their stench. Pidge, who is still speaking to Shiro enthusiastically, regardless of the fact Shiro is completely lost. Keith who is still rubbing at a spot long gone. Hunk, whose eyes he can still feel burning into the back of his head. Who smells of spices and coconut.

The smell of oil and iron. The smell of salt and muscle. The smell of fresh, tantalizing, raw-

Lance catches himself and shakes the thoughts from his head. He can’t let himself drift off like that. It puts him at risk, his whole team at risk.

His eyes burn at the back of his sockets and he realizes his eyes changed while he was zoned out. Lance closes his eyes and wills them away, this time concentrating on remembering the smell of Coran. It only takes a moment and he casually glances around the cockpit making sure no one saw anything.

Nobody has, or at least no one is showing it. Not even Hunk is paying attention to him now. He turns back to the window and realizes Pidge is in the process of landing. There’s a slight crevice some ways off from the library, just deep enough to house the Green Lion during their mission.

It hadn’t been a long flight, according to Pidge’s handmade clock on the lion’s dash it had only been about five doboshes, approximately seven minutes if he did the math right.

How could he lose control so quickly?

The lion sinks down gently, only shaking a little as it settles. The other paladins stand to get off and Lance follows suit, trying to not look as eager as he feels.

Lance glances behind him, apparently he missed that Hunk would be staying behind to watch the ship. He gives Hunk a wave and he waves back, still giving Lance an odd look.

The rest of the team slip on their helmets before they exit the lion. Exiting the ship as well as wearing the helmet help immensely, his struggle for control becomes much easier. Lance notices that Pidge looks a little shaky, is she okay? She- She didn’t see anything right? Maybe it’s just this mission?

Lance takes a second to ensure he’s completely under control before he approaches Pidge, “Hey, Pidge? Are you okay?”

Pidge jumps and turns around, “Uh, yea,” She rubs the back of her neck nervously and smiles. “I just got this weird feeling while were in Green.”

“Weird feeling? Like what?” Lance asks, starting to sweat nervously under his suit.

“I’m not sure,” Pidge glances up at Shiro, who is halfway out of the crevice, “I just had this feeling something bad was going to happen.”

Lance chokes and makes a laugh to cover it, “You worry too much, Pidge.” A feeling was better than actually seeing something Lance supposes.

“Pidge, Lance, come on!” Keith calls from above them.

They turn and begin climbing out. Lance makes sure not to climb too quickly. The hole was shallow enough to jump out of but if the humans climbed slowly, he would also climb slowly.

He pulls himself over the edge and follows his team to the back of the structure. They don’t have to wait long before an overweight galra in an orange suit comes out of the door Pidge had mentioned. The galra whistles as he props the door with a broom and pulls a cart of bags out and down the lane.

“Let’s go,” Shiro whispers, and they trail behind him inside.

Pidge waves for them to get against the wall and gently kicks the broom. They hear the galra curse as he hears the broom hit the ground, he runs towards the door but it closes before he can reach it.

“He’ll think he didn’t set the broom right and have to walk around the long way,” Pidge smirks, “That should free up this hallway for a few minutes at least.”

“Good thinking, Pidge,” Shiro praises with a smile. He turns away and they continue down the maintenance hall and turn off to a more public one.

They reach the entrance to the information hub Lance had missed hearing about before. Pidge pulls a small machine out of her pack, Lance guesses it’s for the download.

“Now we just wait for this room to clear, the library has a system where people can only use certain rooms for so long,” Pidge mumbles, she pulls up a small hologram from the wrist of her armor, “According to my scan that should be about-“

Lance peers into the open doorway, there’s two galra using standing at screens. Easy.

Lance rolls into the room as his team hisses at him to wait. He knocks the first one out easily with a hit to the back of the head with his bayard. The second turns but it’s too slow, all it takes it one hit and the galra is out on the floor.

“What the heck, Lance,” Keith says, walking into the room and taping a galra gently with his shoe.

“Yeah! What the heck, Lance!” Pidge pushes past Keith, and marches up to Lance, “Allura said to avoid combat! Also- I’m fairly certain these were civilians.” She crouches down and looks at one of the galra. “Yeah. They’re civilians,” she glares up at Lance.

“Hey! It’s not like I killed them, they’re just unconscious.” Lance says, crossing his arms, “Besides the other thing would have taken too long!”

Shiro walks in with a sigh, “It’s too late to change anything now. Start the download Pidge.” He turns and pushes a button that causes the doors to slide closed, “Keith, keep watch.”

Keith huffs and leans against the door, looking out through one of the small windows.

Lance sits in a chair across the small room. Why did they all need to come on this mission away? He’s bored already. He glances at the unconscious galra. Okay, so maybe he did go a little overboard. He relaxed too much and the strong smell of the galra pushed him into attack mode. At least he had enough control to not kill them- or let out his kagune. Lance shivers.

He glances over at Pidge, who is typing ridiculously fast. Lance narrows his eyes, he swears she’s just pushing random buttons to show off sometimes. Shiro is standing beside her, looking lost. Again. Lance smiles but quickly lets it fall as the thought of ever hurting any of them floats into his mind. He would never forgive himself. That is, if he lived past exposing himself for what he really was.

A purple notification appears on the screen, distracting Lance from his thoughts, and Pidge’s eyebrows furrow. “I’m locked out of the system, it won’t allow downloads of this size.” She types some more and receives another pop-up, “I need higher authorization, there should be a main control down the hall.”

Lance jumps up at the chance to be away from the humans for a moment. He stands with a smirk and strikes a pose, “I got you, Pidge! Just tell me what to do!”

“Great! One issue though, when I say the room at the end of the hall I’m not exactly sure which hall,” Pidge smiles nervously and rubs the back of her helmet, “My scan had some complications with that part of the building, so while I’m sure it’s the last door, I’m not sure on which side. When you go down the hall we entered from it splits off two ways.”

“Okay. Keith, go with Lance, it’ll be faster if you split up and check both.” Shiro orders. Lance’s smirk falls and Keith narrows his eyes at his expression but agrees.

Yet another situation he has no human excuse to get out of.

As they head down the hall Lance hopes being alone with Keith won’t make him lose focus. His instinct to attack a prey separated from its pack was strong, especially when he’s hungry, regardless of his conscious thoughts against it.

As much as he argues with Keith, he’d really hate to accidentally eat him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, don't be afraid to tell me if you see any grammar/spelling/just-doesn't-look-right mistakes! And any other comments are very much appreciated!!  
> Special thanks to Thus, Waslala, Geesus_way, and Batcatt for their comments on the last chapter! They make me write that much faster!
> 
> Side note - Thus, I read your comment about "what do you and your ghoulish nose smell Lancey-Lance?" when I was halfway through writing this new chapter and found it very ironic, as his ghoulish nose smells too much.
> 
> Side note 2 - While I won't give away any big spoilers for where I hope this story goes, I'm not opposed to answering any questions! (Ideas for what could happen are welcome as well!)


	4. Eating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance finally gives in.  
> <1500+ Words>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so **BIG** warning here, this chapter is a bit gory. Make that quite gory. If this is too much for you, or you just need to prepare yourself, I've made a short summary in the endnotes you can read instead.  
>  Also- I made a tumblr if any of you are interested, I'm [MirDraws](https://mirdraws.tumblr.com/)

Keith and Lance head down the main hall and slip back to the maintenance hall in silence. The building is oddly quiet, even for a library.

They’re about halfway to the split when Keith speaks up. “I know you have this rivalry thing with me or whatever,” Keith glances at Lance before starting again, “but if you ever need to talk about something I’m not against listening.”

Lance clenches his jaw; this is not the time for a heart-to-heart mullet! I’m trying to concentrate on not sinking my teeth into your neck and using my freaky ghoul limbs to tear you into bite-sized pieces!

Lance swallows, “Aw! You do care about me!” He tries to make it sound teasing but his soul isn’t in it. He keeps his eyes focused on the dusty floor in front of him as he walks.

Keith lets out an angry huff and comes to a stop. Quiznak.

“I’m serious, Lance, we’re worried about you!” Keith says a little louder than he probably should be talking on this don’t-get-caught and avoid-combat mission. Lance stops a few steps ahead on Keith and keeps his eyes on the ground as the red paladin continues, “Stop joking around for one minute!”

Lance pauses a moment, still refusing to make eye-contact, “I’m sorry.”

“Seriously, Lance, I’m-,” Keith stops as he registers what Lance said. “What?”

 “I said I’m sorry!” Lance grunts out, posture stiff, “Can’t we talk about this later?”

Keith opens his mouth like he’s going to demand they talk about it now but decides against it.

“Sure.”

They continue down the hall again, this time the silence thick and awkward. When they reach the split Keith grabs Lance’s arm before he can do off on his own, pulling him to a stop.

“Just,” Keith lets go of his arm, “Just call if you need help.”

As Keith goes off down the right hall Lance twists around the corner and slumps to the floor. He’s not sure if Keith meant on this mission or in general, but either way, it couldn’t be good.

Tears stream down Lance’s cheeks in relief and fear. Keith may want to talk but if he knew the truth he wouldn’t think twice before-

Lance puts his hands on the front of his helmet, blocking out the soft, purple lights. This is torture. The whole walk here it was _extremely_ difficult not to attack Keith, and he wasn’t sure if it was because of the stray-prey instinct or because he’s finally reached his limit. He needs to eat- today. **Now**.

The sound of some galra down the left hall distracts Lance from his thoughts. What if he…

He trembles at the idea. No, he couldn’t, right? They could be civilians. Right?

Lance stands and heads down the hall quietly, the voices growing louder. Without thinking he pulls off his helmet and tucks it under his arm. The scent of the galra hits him, and it’s not unpleasant like the Alteans. In fact, it kind of reminds him of Keith, but with a stronger sweet smell, not unlike cherries or grapes. He licks his lips.

He feels his eyes change as he reaches the doorway of the last room and gently places his helmet down. He doesn’t attempt to change them back. He doesn’t know if he can.

Lance’s wing-like kagune burst through the back of his armor as if it’s tissue paper. In the depths of his mind, he worries about the consequences of returning with his armor destroyed but he can’t find it in himself to care.

The wide, red limbs glisten with violet streaks under the dim hall lights, the skin flowing gracefully as he turns in the entrance to the room. The two galra are facing away from him, talking idly. 

Lance’s face breaks into an inhuman smile as he presses the button to close the doors and the room’s inhabitants finally notice his presence.

The galra on the right, which Lance supposes is a female, screeches loudly before turning and running straight into a closet door, slamming it closed. She stumbles and flails to the floor. Lance chuckles darkly, his voice distorted and unrecognizable.

The other galra, a male, jerks back before he raises a weapon with shaky hands. Lance swings his kagune around and disarms him. Literally. Blood sprays out from the wound and paints a splatter across the floor and ceiling. The galra screams and falls to his knees clutching at the stump where his hand used to be.

As Lance walks closer the male galra slumps to the floor and flails uselessly to get away, screeching all the while. The female is limp against the closet door, eyes wide, unseeing. The male’s incomprehensible yells become louder.

Lance frowns, eyes wild, “that’s getting _annoying_.” He lifts his left wing and impales the screaming creature in one smooth action, cutting off the noise.

Lance falls to his knees and begins tearing into the still twitching being with his teeth, pulling off pieces and swallowing them as fast as he can manage. He forgets the world for a moment as he eats, instinct fully taking over until a soft whimper interrupts his meal.

Lance, more ghoul than Lance at this point, looks up growling. The female had come out of her shock and is now trying to stifle soft sobs with her hands.

As soon as the galra woman sees Lance’s eyes turn upward she lets out a horrified squeal and begins pushing herself away with her legs. She eventually flips over and tries to crawl away on her hands and knees.

Lance stands up without a sound and walks over to the galra. Her crawling is slow and clumsy and it doesn’t take but a second for Lance to catch up to her.

Lance puts a foot down on top of the female’s back and pushes down, pinning her in place. Lance leans down and inhales her scent with a wide smile before whispering, “ _Stay_.”

The female lets out a broken cry and struggles to pull herself out from under Lance’s grasp. Lance raises his kagune, “I. Said. _Stay_.” He drops one wing and in one quick movement decapitates her before she sees it coming. Blood splatters across the wall and begins to puddle around Lance’s feet.

He glances back at the male, there wasn’t much left of it. He drops down overtop his second kill and messily tears away the thick fur. He’s going to regret eating some of the first one’s fur.       

Lance is about halfway through the female galra when his instinct’s control begins to release. He falls back against the wall and glances around the room. The previously pristine work area was now covered in stripes of blood, guts, and fur. There’s even some on the ceiling.

Lance’s eyes water up and tears streak down his face. He really was a monster, wasn’t he? He reaches to wipe off his face and finds it, as well as his hands, covered in galra blood.

Lance sobs and gasps for breath. What if this had been in the castle? Did the Alteans even know what ghouls were? He glances at what remains of the woman galra, that could have been Keith. If Keith had stayed around a moment later…

Another shaky sob escapes Lance and his arms fall limp at his sides. He should never have joined the Garrison, ghouls aren’t meant to have dreams, let alone fulfill them. His breathing becomes harsher and more panicked as mind turns against him. Every negative thought he’s ever had comes crashing down atop him, every doubt and memory of what humans thought of ghouls.

A creak distracts him and he looks over to see the closet push open and a young galra push out of it. The young boy looks at him and smiles, freezing the breath in Lance’s lungs. The boy starts to walk towards Lance and slips on, what Lance realizes with a horrible flash, is his father’s innards. The boy crashes into a puddle of blood before getting up again with a giggle and climbing over his mother’s corpse to sit next to Lance.

Lance’s legs had curled up in horror and he was now sitting with his arms wrapped around his knees. He presses his face down to block it out.

He couldn’t have- This isn’t real.

The alien toddler pats Lance’s head, “No sad! No sad!” Lance peers out from his knees with blurry eyes, the child had just now noticed his wings and was reaching for them with small fists.

Lance wills them to be soft and lowers them. Ghouls usually only let close family and partners touch their kagune, but he’s just stolen this child’s world. He’s willing to give him this small happiness.

The child plays with the ripples in his wings, memorized by their movement. Lance smiles sadly, breathing now under control, he used to do this with his mother’s kagune. She’d sit on their worn couch folding laundry and he’d pull himself up beside her and beg to see her wings. She’d eventually relent and he’d be amazed every time by their size and color.

The sound of footsteps breaks through Lance’s memory. He grabs the child and rolls behind one of the computer stands as the door opens.

He clamps a hand over the squirming child’s mouth and wraps his wings around the both of them.

A gasp and a gag sound from the door. Lance lifts his head and breathes in, his eyes going wide.

It’s Keith.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Keith tries to confront Lance about stuff (it's not really brought up yet) but drops it when Lance asks. Lance struggles not to eat Keith and succeeds. (Yea! Keith lives! :O) Lance has a little breakdown when he hears some galra down the hall. He takes off his helmet and leaves it outside. His kagune tears his armor. He eats the two galra he finds, a male and a female, and makes quite a mess. He has a panic attack when he comes back to himself and sees the room. A child comes out of the room's closet and sits next to Lance, he realizes he killed this child's parents and freezes up, curling into a ball. The child's innocent actions distract Lance enough to calm down. Lance hears footsteps in the hall and hides with the child behind a computer stand- Keith opens the door. 
> 
> Does this count as a cliffhanger? Sorry :b
> 
> Don't forget to comment/leave a kudos! They make me write that much faster! Thanks <3


	5. Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance faces the team. 
> 
> <1400+ Words>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next chapter! (Sorry about the cliffhanger, my friends)

“Lance?” Keith chokes out, hand mumbling his words. The bodies hadn’t been dead long but the way they were thrown around the room wasn’t helping them smell better.

Lance holds his breath and the child closer to his chest as he hears Keith puke outside. It’s not over yet. As guilty and sick as eating this child’s parents made him, they would sustain him for a couple months. And Keith had only seen the carnage, not the beast that had caused it.

Lance internally winces when he remembers the reason he’s here in the first place. He hopes this wasn’t the control room Pidge was looking for.

This mission has gone all kinds of wrong.

A metallic click echoes throughout the room. What was that? It hits Lance that he left his helmet outside. This was not his day.

“L-Lance?” Keith’s voice comes out shaky this time. Lance hears the slight beep of Keith’s com, “Pidge? Sh-Shiro? Can you hear me?” Keith stutters. Lance somehow feels worse- and he’s holding a child he made an orphan. He shouldn’t be able to feel worse, yet here he is.

No response. The message isn’t going through.

Keith mumbles under his breath before Lance can hear his footsteps disappear down the hall. With his helmet.

Lance lets out a sigh of relief and releases the child, who rolls out onto the floor with a laugh. Lance gives him a small smile, and rubs the kids head as he stands, cringing when it leaves more blood in his hair.

Lance walks over and tears off a chunk of the male’s shirt that isn’t soaked through and tears off a thin band.

“Hey, kid! Come here,” Lance says gently, squatting down to the kid’s level. The child runs over to him excitedly. Lance carefully ties the band around the kid’s eyes, he hadn’t seen his parents’ faces yet and likely didn’t actually know what all this stuff around the room was. His mother is lying face down and his father’s face was hidden behind another computer stand.

The boy giggles are reaches to remove the band, but Lance pulls down his hands. “Not yet, Bud.”

Lance lifts the child into his arms and steps over the main gore, leaving the room. He walks a bit before finding an empty research room right before the hall splits off.

He enters and puts the child down. “You’re going to wait here, okay?” Lance tells the boy as he pulls off the makeshift blindfold.

The child claps happily, looking around the room surprised he’s in a new place. He suddenly focuses over Lance’s shoulder reaching up, “Soft! Soft!”

Lance twists around to an empty hall. What was, oh! He turns back to the kid and lowers his wings, internally kicking himself for not putting them up earlier. The boy grabs and hugs one, his fur soft on Lance’s skin. It reminds him of his sisters.

Lance sighs, he really is a horrible person. He pulls his wing away, shakes it off, and focuses on tucking it away. With an uncomfortable shiver, the kagune disappear back between his shoulder blades and his eyes fade back to blue. He glances back at the galra child, “Bye, Bud.”

The child waves enthusiastically as Lance closes the doors.

Lance glances down at his armor, he needs to wash off. He heads down the hall carefully, listening for any sign of his team.

_You don’t deserve to call them your team._

Lance jumps at the intrusive thought and looks around. It’s only him. He finds a room with brooms and a deep sink, it’s probably a janitor’s closet. The galra really are just like humans.

_You monster._

Lance feels tears swell up in his eyes once again as he begins to rinse off his hands. He can’t help it! This is what he is. He has to eat or he’ll die.

_Maybe you should._

Lance sets his jaw and finishes washing off his arms. It takes him a second but he eventually finds a box of towels under a dusty metal shelf. He dries off his arms and continues to wipe himself down.

He had just finished getting chucks out of his hair when he hears footsteps coming down the hall. He breathes in, it’s his team.

**_Your_ ** _team?_

Lance ignores the thought and looks at himself in a dirty mirror, twisting to check his back. He’s gotten most of the blood, there’s still some on the bottom of his shoes, but that’s somewhat explainable. Lance reaches back and fiddles with the torn back. It’s not an extremely large hole, but it is noticeable. He puts the towels back in the box and tucks them in the back of the closet.

Lance takes a deep breath and runs his tongue over his teeth, double checking for lingering stains.

He pushes out the door as the sound of the other paladins draws closer.

Pidge jumps and swings her bayard towards Lance. “Lance!" She lowers her weapon, to Lance’s relief. “Are you okay?”

“I saw the room you were supposed to check and…” Keith’s voice cracks and he cuts himself off. Lance realizes Keith thought he was dead. Lance winces internally, he’s probably permanently scarred Keith. Lance knows he’s personally going to nightmares about the room. Sorry, Keith.

“I’m,” Lance looks at the worried looks on the paladin’s faces, “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? That room was-” Keith breaks off again with a shiver. Lance doesn’t know how to cover for this.

“We can talk later,” Pidge interrupts. “We need to get out of here, I got the information we came for.”

“Let’s hurry, we don’t know where the monster that attacked those galra went but it couldn’t have gone far,” Shiro says and turns back the way they came. They follow after him quickly, missing the miserable look that crosses Lance’s face.

_Even Shiro thinks you’re a monster._

Lance follows the three humans as they head towards the exit. An alarm screeches above them as Pidge pushes the janitor door open and they break into a run.  All four paladins tumble down the crevice and climb into the green lion.

Hunk jumps and looks around confused. He probably fell asleep.

Pidge slides into the pilot seat and quickly pulls the lion into action. They’re high above the ground before security speckles the ground.

The paladins slump in their seats, this was supposed to be a simple mission. It hits Lance how easy it is to sit among the humans now, he has no urge to harm them. The two deaths hadn’t been completely useless.

“Uh, anyone want to explain what happened,” Hunk asks, oblivious to the situation most of them had suffered.

It’s silent for a moment before Shiro speaks up, “There was a,” he pauses as he searches for the words, “complication?”

“Complication?” Keith asks angrily, “I’d say that was more than a complication!”

Keith looks at Hunk, “Lance and I split up to look for the main control room to get access for Pidge’s download. After I set everything up I tried to contact Lance,” Keith looks at Lance, “but he wasn’t answering. I look for this idiot-.“

“Hey!” Lance interjects, but Keith continues.

“And all I find is his helmet by a room covered in blood and dead galra! That’s more than a complication! I thought he was-”

Shiro places a hand on Keith’s shoulder, “Keith, you need to calm down.”

Keith breathes heavily and closes his eyes. Lance notices he still has his helmet, his fingers white as they grip it. He doesn’t ask for it back.

“Lance?” Lance looks up as Shiro addresses him, “What happened?”

Lance stares at a spot of blood on his right shoe, “I don’t know.”

“The hell you don’t!” Shiro squeezes Keith’s shoulder and he quiets.

“Lance,” Shiro’s voice is oddly calm and even, it makes the hair raise on Lance’s neck, “What do you mean?”

“The-,” memories of what happened flash through his head as he struggles to come up with an excuse. “The lights, they went off? The mon-,”  
Lance swallows, “The monster thing, I didn’t see it. It knocked off my helmet and I ran.”

Lance sorts the lie in his brain and turns, showing his back, “I think it tore my armor?”

Keith is silent as he clutches at Lance’s helmet. Shiro bites his lip as Lance turns back to sitting normally. Even Pidge is silent.

Hunk looks like he wants to ask more questions but holds himself back. Lance is grateful.

They fly back to the castle in silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Lance gets to live another day~ 
> 
> Don't forget to leave a comment! They fuel me (つ✧ω✧)つ Special thanks to PuppetMaster55, BATCATT, Waslala, and Nighttyger for their comments on the last chapter!! <3
> 
> Also my Tumbr is [MirDraws](https://mirdraws.tumblr.com/) if anyone is interested!


	6. Normality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things return to normal. Maybe.  
> <1700+ Words>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I guess I'm going to continue to spoil y'all until my winter break is over- here's chapter 6!
> 
> ~Every story needs light spots, for without them you never truly understand the intensity of the dark ~

When they land the lion Lance slips out quickly and takes off to his room.

As soon as Lance enters his room he closes the door behind him and goes limp to the floor. He had cut it too close, way too close.

If Keith had taken a few steps into the room Lance would be dead. Keith might be dead. The story he told the team had been a lucky epiphany. If Keith had seen him covered in blood, kagune wrapped around a galra child, he’d have no way out. He’d have been lucky if Keith shot him then instead of abandoning him on the small planet, giving him over to the mercy of the galra. And what mercy would they have for a stranger who ate two of their own?

It was just his luck too that he wasn’t immune to the weapons the paladins or the galra used like he was for human weapons. On Earth a gunshot to the chest was nothing but a small bullet hole in his shirt and a slight sting that only lasted a few seconds. The bullet wouldn’t even enter his skin.  Here, however? Even the dullest of knives in the Altean’s kitchen cut him easily.

It wouldn’t take much for someone to put him down.

Lance feels tears running down his face and chuckles morbidly. He’s going to be a prune if he keeps this up.

A knock on the door makes Lance jump. He breathes in, it’s Hunk. Quiznak. Again.

“Lance? Can I come in?”

Lance goes to wipe his face with his arm and realizes he’s still wearing his armor. He rubs at his face with his gloves instead.

“Maybe later, Hunk?” Lance answers, voice stuffy.

Hunk gives a huff, “That was rhetorical, Lance.”

Lance decides he might as well let him in before he breaks down his door. Hunk is typically pretty gentle but Lance knows the guy could flip a car if he’s devoted enough. “Okay,” Lance whispers, reaching over his head and unlocking the door.

Hunk pushes open the door and almost trips over Lance. Hunk carefully steps over him, closes the door, and sits on the floor in front Lance.

Lance keeps his head down; he doesn’t want to talk to Hunk right now. He doesn’t want to _lie_ to Hunk right now.

“You lied about not seeing anything, didn’t you,” Hunk says.

Lance stiffens and desperately shakes his head. Tears are dripping off his chin now. Hunk was the first of the group he befriended, they were friends even before the Garrison. He’s also the one Lance fears the most, Hunk knows him too well.

Hunk silently pulls himself up beside Lance and wraps his arms around him. Lance desperately reaches around and clutches at Hunk, despite how guilty the warmth makes him feel. Lance releases a noisy sob; he doesn’t deserve Hunk.

Hunk rubs gently at Lance’s back as he hiccups, “The galra- I couldn’t- They, they were-,” Lance lets out a broken cry and tucks his head into Hunk’s shirt.

“It’s not your fault,” Hunk whispers, “You couldn’t have changed anything.”

The fact Hunk is unknowingly comforting him as he cries over murdering and eating two people only makes him sob harder. Hunk continues to try to cheer Lance up for a while before just letting Lance cry against him.

They lay like that for a minute before Lance sits up and rubs his puffy eyes. “Thanks for letting me wipe my gross snot on you, Buddy,” Lance says, a small, genuine smile forming.

Hunk always knew how to make him feel better, even if Hunk didn’t truly know what it was about half the time.

“Anytime, Lance,” Hunk smiles. He glances at Lance’s alarm clock, “Do you want me to leave? I kind of barged in here and its getting late...”

To hell with everything, if he’s selfish and horrible he’s going to act like it, at least for tonight. Plus he just ate, so there’s no risk. Lance stands and gives Hunk a hand up, “You can stay, uh, if that’s okay with you?”

Why the quiznak would he want to stay with _you_? You’re a _monster_.

Lance internally winces at the thought as Hunk answers, “Yea, that’s fine with me, just let me get my blankets and stuff!” Hunk glances down at the large wet spot on his shirt, “And get a change of clothes.”

Lance externally winces this time, “Heh. Sorry, Hunk.” He glances down at his own clothes, “I guess I need to change too.” Lance sniffs his armpit and grimaces dramatically, “And a shower.”

Hunk laughs and turns to the door. He stops before leaving and turns back to Lance.

“Uh, Lance,” Hunk says seriously face straight.

Lance swallows, “Yea?”

Hunk leans in and whispers, “Should we invite Pidge or risk it?”

Lance snorts. Ever since Pidge told the group she was a girl, she had no reason to hide pieces of her personality away. And apparently she loved sleepovers of any kind. Aggressively.

Lance and Hunk had only once left her out of one and had paid dearly for it in the form of ice cubes down the back of their shirts. It wasn’t a one-time revenge act either, they had to watch their backs constantly for a week.

Even with Lance’s enhanced senses he didn’t see her coming half the time.

“Yea,” Lance smiles, “You can invite her.”

Hunk looks genuinely relieved as he leaves Lance’s room. Pidge may be the smallest member of their team, but she was also the worst one to cross.

If only they could make her release some of that fury out on Zarkon. Lance laughs to himself at the mental image of Zarkon flailing with an ice cube down his back.

Lance grabs a couple towels and a change of clothes before heading down towards the showers. Along the way he sees Keith sitting in front of Shiro’s door. His mood falls again.

As Lance approaches Keith looks up him guiltily. Lance forces a smile.

“Hey, Mullet? What’re you doing in the hallway?” Lance teases, but not unkindly. He knows what Keith went through today and he doesn’t have the energy to actually mess with him anyway.

“Shiro’s asleep,” Keith says blankly as if that explains anything. Keith gives Lance a sad look, “Uh, sorry for yelling at you earlier. In the lion.” He runs his fingers through his hair, “I was stressed and took it out on you.”

Lance gapes, two nice things from Keith in one day! “Don’t be getting soft on me, we have a reputation to uphold,” Lance jokes, but continues in a more serious tone, “But yea, it’s cool. We’re cool.”

Keith smiles before raising an eyebrow at his suit, “You’re still wearing that?” His nose crinkles in disgust, “I can smell you from here.”

There’s the Keith he knows. “Hey! Be nice to me or I won’t invite you to my sleepover!”

Keith rolls his eyes, “What are you, five?”

Lance puts his hand over his heart and gasps, “If you’re going to act like that you’re not invited to my birthday party either!”

Keith smirks and rolls his eyes again, wow, rude.

Lance decides to forgive him, for now. “Anyway, like I was going to say before you so rudely insulted me,” Keith gives him a flat look and Lance continues, “Hunk, Pidge and I are going to hang out in my room if you want to come?”

Keith shakes his head as he stands, “Maybe next time, I’m going to go to bed.” Keith begins to head to his room before turning back to Lance with a heavy smile, “Thanks, Lance.”

Lance squeezes his clothes and towels closer to his chest, “No problem, Keith.”

Lance enters the shower room around the same time Keith enters his room. Lance doesn’t know it but Keith falls asleep as soon as he hits the bed, Lance’s words and presence quieting the previous thoughts that were keeping him awake. 

Lance undresses, enters the shower, and, after a moment of consideration, releases his wings under the shower’s stream. There’s a small pain between his shoulder blades this time as they unfurl, his mind conscious enough this time to feel it.

The block shower stalls are wide enough for him to stretch out completely without being visible from the other side. Knowing where each of the other paladins are at the moment helps as well, as he’s unlikely to be walked in on.

The water runs down his back stained with the galra’s blood. Lance watches it swirl down the drain with a blank expression.

Today was… stressful, but he’d survived it. The whole team survived it. Keith was the only one to somewhat understand how close he came, but Lance has a feeling he’ll be fine. Eventually. Both Lance and Keith will probably have a few nightmare-filled nights but at least everyone is okay physically.

The galra child’s face runs through his mind, with his small purple ears, innocent toothy smile, and tiny, cat-like hands stained unknowingly in his family’s blood. Lance stares at his own shaking hands for a moment before clenching them and taking deep breathes before he can panic.

The child… Well, it could have been worse. At least he didn’t kill the kid too or let him see anything too scarring. The kid might grow up knowing his parents died horribly but isn’t likely to remember it. Brains are kind like that, blocking out memories too difficult to deal with.

Lance isn’t likely to forget though, not completely.

Once the water starts to run clear Lance finishes his shower and shuts off the water. It takes a while, and all three towels, but he’s able to get both his wings completely dry before he slips them away

While having water or, Lance shudders, blood on his wings won’t hurt anything, it’s gross and uncomfortable. He may be a monster but at least he’s not unhygienic.

He may be a monster but at least no one knows it.

Lance hurriedly puts on his clothes and collects the soaked towels. He took longer than he thought and Hunk and Pidge are waiting.

And Lance has no right to make them wait.

With a firm expression, Lance makes up his mind. If he wants to be selfish and risk these human’s safety, he’s going to have to work for it. He’ll work hard for this team to make up for what he is and what he’s done. He knows he can never realistically earn a place here, but he’s going to try. Even if it kills him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hunk... Is the best friendo... ಥ_ಥ  
> As a side note, since Waslala mentioned it, Lance's kagune are considered an Ukaku. They (2) come out from between his shoulder blades and basically look like fleshy water-balloon-ish wings. /Basically, Lance's wings are a more murder-y version of (Steven Universe) Lapis's water wings.  
> You're welcome to interpret them however you like though!
> 
> As always don't forget to leave a comment! Special Thanks to *deep breath* Belletiger_BT, BATCATT, Reality Deviant, geesus_way, PuppetMaster55, Waslala, and jy for their comments last chapter! (ᵕ̣̣̣̣̣̣﹏ᵕ̣̣̣̣̣̣) I love you guys!


	7. Half Truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance cools down and pretends to be human. Aka the kiddos have a sleepover.  
> <1100+ Words>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here ya go! Chapter 7!!
> 
> This chapter is kinda a filler for the things coming up (and chapter 8 may take a bit longer than usual...) but I hope y'all enjoy!

When Lance reaches his room Pidge and Hunk are already there. Pidge is huddled on the floor with several blankets wrapped around her, including her own and what he recognizes as his and Hunk’s, holding a wooden spoon. Hunk sits in front on the pile looking lost and a bit pale.

Lance stifles a laugh, “Do I want to ask?” He leans against the open doorframe.

“You tried to leave me out!” Pidge says, pointing the spoon at Lance accusingly. With how smart Pidge is he often forgets she’s basically still a kid, they all are.

Hunk’s expression is priceless as he looks up at Lance, mouthing ‘help me.’ Pidge must have found out before Hunk could invite her.

Lance puts his hands up, “We would never!” Pidge squints, unconvinced, as Lance continues, “Hunk was going to get you! Weren’t you, Hunk?”

Hunk nods quickly.

Pidge lowers her weapon but doesn’t look convinced.

Hunk finds his voice again, “I was just going to drop off my stuff here first! I swear!”

Pidge thinks for a second before nodding. “You’re forgiven,” She throws a pillow at Hunk, “For now.”

Hunk catches the pillow and falls back on the floor with a relieved smile.

Pidge finally releases her hoard of blankets and they talk for a while. Distracting each other from the events of the day. Hunk and Pidge lose Lance a couple time with talk of some enhancement or new program idea but overall do well to include him.

Pidge giggles uncontrollably and rolls back and forth on the floor as Hunk admits he accidentally used an Altean laxative in an attempt to make muffins late one night last week.

“They tasted fine!” Hunk says, trying to defend himself. Lance shakes with laughter and tries to breathe. He knows Hunk occasionally gets into ingredients he shouldn’t but this is a new level of hilarious.

“Wait!” Pidge says between laughs, “Is that why Coran wouldn’t try the pancakes you made?”

Hunk blushes in response, which sends Pidge into another uncontrollable fit of giggles.

Lance gapes, “You gave Coran a poop muffin?”

“Don’t call it that!” Hunk exclaims, looking thoroughly embarrassed. “It’s not like I did it on purpose!”

Hunk looks like he thoroughly regrets telling this story, the poor guy.

“You need to stop ratting yourself out, Bud,” Lance laughs and pats Hunk on the shoulder, “You remind me of my sister,         Amara. She once ate a dozen meat pies ma had worked hours on and then bragged about it.” Lance laughs to himself and notices Pidge and Hunk have fallen silent. They both are looking at him as if he’s grown another head.

Lance glances at the two nervously, “What’d I say?”

Hunk shakes his head, “It’s nothing, it’s just…”

“You’ve never talked about your family before,” Pidge finishes.

“Really?” Lance asks, Pidge and Hunk nod simultaneously.

Lance wasn’t used to being alone, which is why he and Hunk often had ‘sleep overs.’ Just thinking about his family was usually bittersweet and painful, he hadn’t even considered talking about them. He has no idea how he mentioned it so casually.

Lance’s voice lowers and he smiles sadly at the floor, “I guess I just miss them.”

He looks up to see Hunk tearing up with big eyes. Oh no.

Lance found it ironic that Hunk didn’t get like this when Lance freaks out, but as soon as he hears something ‘touching’ he gets-

Pidge tries to escape but she’s too slow, Hunk reaches over and pulls them both into a hug.

He squeezes them for a second, “Oh yeah!” He lets go and they both fall back into the blanket pile. Hunk then brings up a topic Lance had been dreading and had honestly hoped Hunk had forgotten about.

“Is the food,” he pauses a second, trying to come up with the right word, “allergy a family thing?”

“Uh, yea. I guess so,” Lance answers, treading carefully.

Pidge looks confused, “What food allergy?”

“Lance, apparently, has a food allergy that he didn’t tell anyone about!” Hunk says crossly.

Lance should have seen this coming. Hunk has always been devoted to anything food related, since he loved cooking.

Now that Lance thinks about it Hunk probably sees this as a cooking challenge just as much as a friend-didn’t-tell-him-something-important issue.

Hunk turns back to Lance, “What’d you say you couldn’t eat?”

Lance opens his mouth to try to change the subject but Hunk’s expression reveals he’s not going to get out that easily.

Lance swallows and mumbles, “Most everything.”

“Most everything!” Pidge yells and Lance shushes her, glancing at the door. There’s no reason to wake up the entire ship. “What the hell, Lance! That’s important!” She punches him in the arm, “Is that why you’ve been losing weight?”

Lance sits stunned, “You noticed?” Well, that’s not good.

“We all noticed!” Pidge says, waving her arms around. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“It’s really not that big of-,” Lance starts.

“If you say ‘it’s not that big of a deal’ I’m going to punch you so hard.” Pidge threatens.

It’s honestly a flat, and kind of adorable, threat to hear from someone like Pidge but even Hunk shivers.

“I’m fine!”

Pidge punches him anyway, “Hey!” Lance says and scrambles behind Hunk, that actually hurt. Maybe he’s lost more weight than he thought?

Pidge shakes her fist as Hunk laughs nervously and raises his hands, probably regretting bringing it up in front of Pidge. She’s very tough love.

“Okay! No need to beat up Lance” Hunk says.

Lance puts his hands on Hunk’s shoulders and looks over at Pidge, “Yea! No need to beat up Lance!”

“Just let Lance explain,” Hunk lowers his hands.

“Yea! Just let me- oh,” Lance’s face falls as the two look at him expectantly. He slides out from behind Hunk back into his spot on the blankets.

Lance thinks of the story his father had crafted for him about the special meals. “I, uh don’t know exactly what I have,” Lance starts, his usual mock-confidence slipping, “Everything I ate was… specially made, I don’t know what it was.”

Lance laughs nervously as Pidge stares at him. “Um. I mean, I know I can drink coffee? I drank coffee at the Garrison sometimes and I was fine.”

“Great. Very informative, Lance.” Pidge deadpans.

Hunk looks excited though, Lance worries about the future things he’s going to have to put in his mouth for this human.

He might as well embrace it he supposes, time to flip back to plan a, changing the subject. Lance winks at Hunk, “It’s nothing Hunk’s cooking can’t fix!”

Hunk takes the bait and begins going off on a tangent about different coffee based foods and alien alternatives.

It’s refreshing to see Pidge looking lost for once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wanted to have a really light chapter (after all that other mess) so I hope this was decent!
> 
> Don't forget to comment! Special Thanks to BATCATT, PuppetMaster55, Thus, Waslala, and geesus_way for their comments on the last chapter! <3


	8. Brighter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance hangs out and makes a plan.  
> <1200+ Words>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya, amigos! Thanks for your patience. I was able to get my thoughts straight and figured out where this story is going! Enjoy chapter 8!
> 
> **Slight warning for the slightly gorey first few lines, Just skip to the eleventh paragraph/"Lance wakes"

“Soft! Soft!” The galra child smiles, reaching to Lance’s wings with soft hands. Lance laughs and lowers them before looking up.

“How could you?” Allura asks, blood soaking through her shirt.

“You’re a monster,” says Shiro, his arms missing.

“What’s wrong with you?” Keith gurgles, half his head missing.

Lance shakes his head and trembles but can’t speak. He looks down at the child, but they’re now impaled on his kagune, smile gone and body limp.

“I thought we were friends,” Hunk says above him, blood pooling at his feet, the cold metal of his bayard pressing against Lance’s head.

Pidge’s voice echoes from behind him, “You monster.”

“Freak.”

“Beast.”

Their insults pour over him, overlapping and distorting as Lance sits frozen, the blood filling his vision. The weapon clicks and-

Lance wakes to Hunk shaking him. His head hurts, what was he dreaming about? He tries to remember but it slips away. Lance groans as he blinks at the bright lights, Hunk looks down at him cheerfully with dark eye bags.

Dang it, Hunk, did you even sleep?

Lance yawns and sits up as Hunk hands him a small cup. Hunk, being the amazing man he is, somehow came up with an alien alternative for coffee in a matter of hours.

Lance sniffs it skeptically; it doesn’t smell like coffee. He sniffs at it again, more like blackberries.

“Lance. Buddy. I didn’t get up at two in the morning for you to smell it.” Hunk says impatiently. He’s jumping around excitedly now.

“You got up at two!” Lance exclaims.

“Lanceee! Come on!” Hunk whines.

Lance smirks and takes a sip, bracing himself so he doesn’t grimace or spit it out in front of Hunk. As it hits his tongue he’s surprised.

While most foods smell okay, they typically taste like sewage or rot. The Alteans are the exception that he can’t quite figure out, not that he considers them food or anything, but the fact they smell like most food tastes is odd.

Hunk squats down in front of him eagerly. Lance’s eyes widen, “It’s good!”

Hunk smiles, “Do you feel sick?”

“I don’t think so?” Lance tries to remember how human bodies work, “Uh, it might take a while for me to be sure though?”

Pidge burst through the doorway, “Did it work? Does he like it?”

Lance rolls his eyes, “He likes it.”

“Great!” Pidge disappears out the doorway again but pokes her head back a second later, “Come on!”

Hunk helps him to his feet and he pulls on some day clothes before they head into the kitchen. There are dishes strewn out all over the main table and Lance gapes. They didn’t. He doesn’t deserve this.

Lance chokes back tears. Covering the table are various alien coffee dishes. Hunk really went all out.

“Hunk…” Lance murmurs. He doesn’t deserve this.

Pidge rattles on about the molecular makeup of Earth coffee as Hunk ushers him over to a seat.

He can’t believe this.

He’s not worth this.

Lance is distracted from his thoughts as Hunk encourages him to try one. If Hunk enjoyed making these he’s going to enjoy eating them, even if they make him sick.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to eat all this is one sitting, Hunk.”

“That’s what fridges are for.”

Lance laughs and takes a bite of something that resembles a cookie. It’s not great, but it doesn’t taste like a dead rat someone found in a gas station bathroom either. So that’s a plus.

Lance attempts a French accent that makes Pidge’s eye twitch, “Muy bien!”

“That’s Spanish.” Pidge says.

“Lo sé, señora,” Lance answers, winking at Pidge. She’s not amused.

They continue like this for a while. Lance will try something and give Hunk a corny, and occasionally flirty response. Most the foods he tries are fine, but occasionally he has to admit he probably couldn’t eat a specific one again. Pidge pulled out her laptop at some point and was taking note of what he could or couldn’t eat.

Lance does his best to remain cheerful throughout this experience but the reality of what was happening was weighing on him. This was way too much. Too much trouble just for him.

He’s being too selfish.

“What are you doing?” Keith says, yawning as he enters the kitchen.

Lance puffs up his chest, “Haven’t you heard? I’ve finally getting the recognition I deserve as Voltron’s best paladin!”

Lance poses with his hands on his hips and is promptly hit on the side on the side with a flying spoon.

“Hey!” Lance rubs his head, “I thought we were over attacking me!”

Pidge picks up another spoon, “I changed my mind.”

“No throwing stuff in the kitchen!” Hunk gently pulls the weapon away from Pidge and sets it down on the other side of the table. “We’re making food for Lance because of his-“

Lance leaps up and covers Hunk’s mouth, “Because of my… Awesomeness! Yea! That!”

Hunk mumbles from under Lance’s grip. Keith rolls his eyes and grabs a plate-full of goo before leaving.

Lance lets go with a sigh of relief.

“Okay, I get it. I won’t tell anyone else,” Hunk says. Lance glances at Pidge and she makes a my-lips-are-sealed motion.

“What’s wrong with telling the others though?” Hunk asks.

“It’s embarrassing!” Lance whines, “No one else has a problem with the food!” Which is partly true, but Lance also doesn’t know what anyone else’s knowledge of ghouls is and doesn’t want anyone else to put two and two together. It’s a close call letting Pidge and Hunk know anything, as they’re the most knowledgeable of everyone on the ship, he isn’t going to risk this information being shared with anyone else. 

“Uh,” Hunk thinks, “I don’t think Keith’s ever eaten the yellow goo?”

“No one eats the yellow goo, Hunk,” Pidge says, pushing up her glasses, “It tastes like old eggs.”

Lance is surprised by this revelation, he thought it only tasted like that to him.

They continue trying some more dishes for a while. Coran steps in at one point before he promptly turns back and leaves, making Pidge fall out of her chair in a fit of giggles and making Hunk blush and yell out apologies. Lance laughs.

Lance eventually says he’s full and they wrap up the remaining foods and pile them in the fridge. He thanks Hunk and truly means it.

The next few weeks are easier, and Lance feels as if he may actually be able to survive in space. He may be able to keep his secret.

The foods and coffee Hunk made are a major lifesaver, while they couldn’t replace actual eating they did help to keep cravings away and keep him in control. Plus it’s nice to be able to eat with the rest of the team without needing to go and puke after.

Lance decides that on their next missions, if he gets a chance, he’ll cut a leg or an arm off an unconscious galra and stash it in the side pouch of his armor. He’s already snuck some plastic sheeting to wrap it in. This way he doesn’t have to kill anyone, as a ghoul anyway, or eat on a mission where he could be caught.

This would probably work great if he ever got the chance. It’s now been forty-three days since Lance last officially ate, he lasted around fifty last time. Apparently, the we-all-thought-Lance-was-dead mission meant there wasn’t going to be any split-ups for a while. The only time he was somewhat alone was on the ship or during meet and greets with their allies.

And Lance wasn’t going to eat a Blade of Marmora or an Olkaari.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are brighter but not everything is perfect.
> 
> Thanks for reading! Don't forget to comment! Special thanks to Thus, BATTCAT, PuppetMaster55, geesus_way, nunemeri, Reality+Deviant, teh guest, and Hides_Samosas for their comments last chapter!


	9. Sharing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team does some team-building exercises.
> 
> <1200+ Words>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya! Here's chapter 9! Enjoy~
> 
> //There's some gore described in this chapter but it's not explicit//

Lance is hungry but with the coffee he’s not dangerous yet, just irritable. Since he doesn’t want to snap at anyone he’s been hiding in his room as much as possible.

Coran put a stop to that.

“Hello, Paladins!” Coran says cheerfully, greeting the group in the couch area, “It’s been a while since you last had a bonding experience so-“

They all groan. The first time they did this it had ended well, yes, but the process to get there was horrible.

Coran coughs, “Anyway! I was thinking we could start off with a good, old-fashioned mind melding session!”

Lance shivers, mind-meld’s were difficult. He had to completely ignore any ghoul-based memories and focus on the human ones.

The first time they did this Pidge had struggled to put the thoughts of her missing family and identity away and ended up quitting. Shiro had only a few memories at the time and had no trouble opening up. Hunk had nothing to hide and Keith had buried his perfectly.

Lance had done his best but a memory of him finding his first suicide victim in the woods had risen. Luckily Pidge had cut off the connection before anyone could see too much of it.

This time though he had heavier images to bury. Finding a body was easy to explain, but the events of the library?

“Do we really need to?” Lance asks, the team turning to look at him “It’s just that we’re already pretty close! And its kind of invasive....” Lance mumbles the last part.

Hunk nods, “Yea. It shouldn’t hurt the team if we have some privacy, right?”

Coran shakes his head solemnly, “I’m sorry, Allura is adamant that you have a strong bond. And that means no secrets!” He twists his mustache with his fingers as he turns to leave the room, “I’ll get the equipment! Be back in five!”

Pidge pushes up her glasses and smirks, “What? You don’t trust us to know who your newest alien crush is?” Pidge leans in, “Is it Bi-Boh-Bi?”

Even Keith laughs as Lance sputters, “He’s a living baguette!”

They laugh and, though Lance joked along with them, he feels a surge of agitation. He bites his tongue to stop himself from saying something he’ll regret.

Coran returns a few moments later carrying the equipment alongside Allura. They get up and arrange themselves in a circle as Coran untangles the bands.

Lance begins to concentrate on the image of his family from before, crushing down his ghoul memories behind a thick wall. This should be fine. He’ll be fine.

As they put on the headbands Lance feels the pressure of the other minds around him. He closes his eyes ad focuses on his family once more as the other’s floating memories flash through his mind.

The first memory they share is Pidge’s, it’s of her and her brother joking around on the roof of their house with a laptop. They’re contacting their father with some kind of code. Lance smiles as he watches it clearly, glad Pidge doesn’t have to hide this from them anymore.

Hunk snorts as their book begins to slide down the roof and falls into the gutter.

The next memory is Hunk’s. He’s making pancakes for a small group of kids. The kids watch in awe as Hunk flips a pancake and reveals a smiley face baked into it. The kids clap as Hunk bows and plates it, handing it to the nearest child.

A woman with red eyes comes in and the kids groan. “Time to go home, kiddos,” she says, attempting a smile.

She turns Hunk, “Thanks for looking after them during the funeral. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

A shiver passes over the group.

Shiro’s memory starts blurry but quickly clears. It’s one he’s just recovered, Lance realizes.

A short Japanese woman pats Shiro’s arms kindly, “I don’t know what I’d do without you, Takashi!”

Shiro laughs and a surge of joy and loss runs through each who watches, they’ve never heard him laugh like that before.

“I’m only watching the dog while you go to the store, Mom.” Shiro looks at the small lady with a frown, “Are you sure you don’t want me to go for you? The news…”

Shiro’s mother pinches his cheek, “That dog would destroy the house without you watching him!” Said dog barks in the background in agreement making Lance laugh aloud.

“And I Iove you but you’d only get the wrong groceries! Forget about the news, dear, I’ll be fine!”

The memory speeds up as the sky outside grows darker. Lance hears Shiro breath shake and knows what’s to come can’t be good.

An officer comes to the door and says something but it’s jumbled. Shiro nods numbly and closes the door.

The memory blurs again and Lance thinks they might be moving to the next person but Shiro’s memory continues, this time showing a TV screen.

A reporter stands in front of a store front, “There’s been another victim of the Binge-Eating ghoul here in Tokyo. Miss Shirogane Hana was found yesterday behind this local market-.”

The report is cut off as a remote hits and shatters the screen. Lance chokes, he had heard about the binge-eater in Tokyo.

The “fight against ghouls” had doubled the following months even after she had finally been killed. They lost an uncle to that surge and had to move four times to stay hidden.

Lance had no idea Shiro was so closely effected by ghouls.

A tremor goes through the mental image of Lance’s family.

Keith is next, an image of him planting something shakes into the hall of the space library.

The hall is dark and quiet, with the only sounds Keith’s footsteps and a soft squeaking in the distance. Lance cringes as he realizes what the noise is and quickly works to not think about it.

The windows of the doors Keith approaches are covered in blood and he swallows, holding up his weapon as he reaches to open them.

Hunk gulps.

The doors open to a massacre worse than Lance remembers it. There’s blood everywhere. The galras are torn to pieces and barely recognizable, part of one’s skull smiles at Keith as he gags in the doorway.

Keith covers his mouth, “Lance?”

The room doesn’t answer, Keith pukes and notices something he didn’t initially. The memory blurs with tears, it’s Lance’s helmet.

Lance’s control wavers as his own memory of this struggles to surface.

“L-Lance?” Keith tries again, voice quivering. He turns on his com, “Pidge? Sh-Shiro? Can you hear me?”

Silence.

Keith turns and runs down the hall and the memory fades. Actual Keith sniffles.

Lance attempts to bring up the memory the first time he met Hunk but it flickers and dies. Lance’s breath freezes in his chest. He can’t move.

The memory focuses on the hallway as well, right before he enters the room to two live galra and closing behind the doors behind him.

The others are silent.

The memory is crystal clear, even showing details of the attack Lance had been out of it for.

Lance shakes himself out of it right as the closet doors open. He stands and throws the headband, the connection breaking.

The team looks horrified, as they should be.

Lance trembles and tears run down his face, “You were never supposed to find out.”

His eyes flash red.

This breaks the shock everyone was in. Everyone gets up in a flurry, Shiro being the first to reach his bayard.

Lance turns and sprints down the hall as his wings burst from his back and panicked yells echo behind him. He needs to hide.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no! What's going to happen!? ヽ ( ꒪д꒪ )ﾉ
> 
> Don't forget to comment! Special thanks to everyone who commented on the last chapter! (Specifically Luellaby, Waslala, geesus_way, RustyEyron, and Aiko_Hiroki12!)


	10. Seen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance deals with the repercussions of oversharing.
> 
> <900+ Words>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A slightly shorter chapter than usual but the next chapter should be out shortly!

Lance crashes against the wall as his feet slide on the floor. He needs to hide. He needs to get away.

He can hear footsteps and yells behind him down the hall. Lance sees a door he’s unfamiliar with a pulls it open with a hard jerk. There’s a snap as the lock breaks and Lance pulls himself inside and closes the door behind him.

Need to hide _now_.

Lance runs to the back of what he realizes now is some kind of storage or boiler room and tucks himself behind a large crate. The dust swirls around him as he sits and wraps his kagune around him protectively, fully aware the weapons his prior friends carry can cut through them easily.

He listens over the sound of his rapid heartbeat as the footsteps pass his hiding spot. He heaves and gasps for air desperately.

What the hell is happening? He tries to put his wings away but it has the same effect as trying to absorb his own arms.

It must be the adrenaline. He needs to calm down.

He tries to concentrate on the silence and getting his breathing under control but the situation keeps it erratic. He’s going to die. He’s going to die or he’s going to kill these people he’s grown to love.

He doesn’t want to die. He doesn’t want to lose them.

Even if he could reach his lion it wouldn’t take long for the castle to track him. There’s no escape from this. They know. _They know_.

A broken sob escapes Lance’s lips and tears stream down his cheeks. Even if he fights back, which he knows he can’t, their weapons are long range. He doesn’t stand a chance.

He doesn’t want to die.

He wants to go home.

A soft creak breaks through his thoughts and he slaps a hand over his mouth in an attempt to silence his cries.

Heavy footsteps echo throughout the small room and tears run over his fingers. Lance’s eyes go wide as he breathes in. It’s Hunk.

“Lance?” Hunk asks, his voice shaky. A click sounds and the room lights up around them. 

Lance trembles and closes his eyes. Of all of the paladins the one that has to find him is Hunk. Why does it have to be Hunk?

Lance’s kagune shudder enough to lightly rattle the crate. He freezes. Hunk slowly draws nearer; he knows he’s here.

“St-Stay away!” Lance cries, his voice stuttering in fear. Hunk stops walking.

“Lance? Is that you?” Hunk asks nervously, “What happened? What’s going on?” Lance opens is eyes and glances at the shadow. Hunk has his gun.

“What are you?”

Lance sobs. He doesn’t want to die, especially not by his best friend. By someone he used to consider his best friend.

“Please don’t shoot me,” Lance begs, the crate next to him rattling more violently as he shakes.

There’s a beep as Hunk says something into his com, Lance is too panicked to try to listen.

The moment freezes as Hunk waits silently, the only sound Lance’s desperate, unintelligible cries.

The patter of more footsteps echo from the open door and the rest of the team files in with their bayards, the metal strong enough to smell with more than one in the room. Even Allura is there.

“Lance is-,“ Hunk starts.

Allura cuts him off, “That’s not Lance. That’s a monster.”

“No, no, no!” Lance pulls at his hair. The room is too full, everyone is too loud, too close. His instinct to tear apart the threats rises but he forces it down.

“Come out slowly!” Allura yells, her footsteps stopping a few feet in front of the crate.

It’s too much.

“I-I don’t want to hurt you,” Lance says, struggling for control. He’s cornered. His options are fight or flight and flight is becoming more difficult by the second.

Allura takes another step forward and he snaps. His wings flare up first, startling the group. Lance then jumps on top of the crate and leaps over the group. He cringes as his kagune slightly scrap two people as he falls to the ground and rolls out into the hall.

He skids to his feet and begins running again. He’s halfway to his lion’s bay when loud alarms begin to blare overhead and the security doors ahead of him begin to close.

He tries to run faster but the doors close before he’s even close. He slams and claws at the doors but they refuse to open, made to endure attacks much stronger than he could ever be.

The group slows to a stop behind him and Lance refuses to look.

“Please no. No, no! Please,” Lance sinks to his knees and continues to claw at the metal doors desperately, with his hands as well as his kagune, but barely makes a scratch.

The team is frozen in shock as they watch the creature that moments ago was their teammate whimper and beg like a trapped animal.

Lance slumps to a crouch and wraps him wings around himself once again, hoping they might protect him.

Allura steps forward out of the frozen group and lifts her gun. The team does nothing to stop her as she pulls the trigger.

A sharp pain tears through Lance’s kagune and he lets out an animalistic scream. His wing flails, giving Allura an open shot. Lance sobs at their shocked and fearful expressions as another sharp pain hits him in the chest and he falls flat on the floor.

A few of the team rushes forward but Lance isn’t focusing on them.

The last thing he sees before losing consciousness is a tear running down Hunk’s face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so dramatic lol...  
> Is this another cliffhanger? Opps... (Yes, there are more chapters. Read into that however you like.) 
> 
> Thanks for reading! And don't forget to leave a comment! Special thanks to *deep breath* Aiko_Hiroki12, RustyEyron, BATCATT, PuppetMaster55, Hides_Samosas, Thus, geesus_way, Neahkae, and jy for their comments last chapter! 
> 
> And an Extra Special thank you to Floranna for giving me a heads up about AO3's rules!! You've literally saved my story and my account, friend! థ౪థ //I had no idea...//


	11. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance wakes up.  
> <1400+ Words>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a liar and impatient apparently :b (I'm uploading early), you're welcome haha. 
> 
> Here's chapter 11!!

Lance wakes to pain all over his body, his kagune and shoulder especially.

He sits up and looks around, he’s in the castle's prison bay. The room he’s in is empty except for the metal bed he’s sitting on and a toilet in the corner. One wall is just a long pane of clear glass reinforced with metal bars.

Lance’s memory comes flying back, the mind-meld gone wrong, running from the team, and frantically trying to get away before he was shot.

He was _shot_.

He grabs at his wing; the wound’s wrapped in gauze. He quickly unravels it and gapes, there’s a dime-sized hole right through his wing.

He’s not sure how long he’s been out but it should be healing? Why isn’t it healing?

Lance rips the bandage off his chest, noticing his shirt is missing.

“Having trouble?” Allura’s voice echoes from the ceiling. Lance jumps, he didn’t hear or smell her coming.

He should have detected something, he’s still in his ghoul-form. He’s nearly impossible to be snuck up on like this.

“Is this room airtight?” Lance whispers, looking at the ceiling. She must be talking through a speaker.

Allura smiles, “Yes! And I can turn off your airflow at any moment so you better be good!”

Lance trembles, this can’t end well.

“I put a special ointment on your wounds to keep them in stasis, so they shouldn’t heal for a while,” Allura says. Lance is shocked, he knows he’s a monster but this feels excessive.

“…Why?” Lance asks, his voice small and uneven.

“Because then you can’t transform!” Allura says proudly, venom in her voice, “I know what you are!”

Did the others explain ghouls to her? How would she know? And to have a special ointment just for stopping wound regrowth…

Lance remains quiet.

“I thought that your kind would have died off with the rest of the Alteans, but I was wrong!”

Lance is now officially confused.

Allura continues, “To think an Altearnae would be able to pose as a paladin!” Allura laughs, “I didn’t believe the mice when they first told me but when the paladins described what happened at the Information Port I was convinced!”

Lance shakes, the mice must have seen him in the bathroom. It hits Lance that the mind-meld had never been to support the team. It had been to expose him to the team.

And it had worked.

“I finally find another Altean survivor but they’ve turned themselves into an Altearnae!" She scoffs, "Why would you do this? If you’re alive there must be others? Where?”

Lance shakes his head, terrified and confused, “I don’t know what that is.”

Allura hits the glass, “Don’t play ignorant!” Lance curls up, pulling his knees to his chest.

Fearful tears slip down his face, “I swear I don’t, Princess. I’m a-,“ Lance’s voice cracks, “I’m a ghoul. From Ea-Earth.”

Allura frowns angrily, “Stop talking! I know what you are! You’re a monster who used to be an Altean! You might as well drop that human facade!” Tears stream down her face as well now, “You traded your humanity for power! Eating another sentient being for your own selfish gain!”

Lance shudders.

“Where. Are. The. Others?”

Lance stares, eyes wide. So Alteans had their own versions of ghouls?

Allura, officially frustrated, turns off the mic and leaves.

So Allura thinks he’s some kind of corrupt Altean? Is that why he’s still alive? So she can find the “others?” Is she going to try to fix him somehow? Torture him? Dissect him?

He’s midway through another panic attack when static breaks above him. He glances at the doors, it’s Hunk. Lance chokes, why didn’t they just kill him? It would be better than the pain of Hunk’s gaze at this moment, which is completely heartbroken.

“L-Lance,” Hunk says, Lance only cries harder, panic glazing over his eyes.

“Are you L-Lance?” Hunk asks. Lance wants nothing more than to take the sadness away from Hunk’s voice but he can’t do anything. This is his own fault.

Lance nods.

“Have you… Always been like this?”

Lance nods again, refusing to look at Hunk.

“And your family? Are they also-,” Hunk starts but Lance cuts him off with a wail.

“P-Please don’t,” Lance takes a shaky breath, “Please don’t hurt them. They’ve never hurt anyone!”

Lance trembles uncontrollably at the thought of exposing his family, “It’s just me! I’m the monster, not them!”

Lance looks at Hunk, face pale and blotchy, “Please, Hunk. They’re my family. I-”

“What about me?” Tears run in rivers down Hunk’s face, “Was I ever your family? Or was I just-,” Hunk swallows, “Was I just a future meal to you? Is that why you befriended the fat kid? Was everything a lie?”

Lance’s mouth falls open, what?

“No! No, Hunk! You’re not-,” Lance shakes his head violently, “I would never! You were my best-.”

“How can I trust you?” Hunk asks, sounding broken. He clicks off the mic and walks away. Lance lets out a scream.

“Please, Hunk! Please!” He falls off the bed and scrambles to the glass. Hitting it with his fists. “You were my best friend! My brother! Please!”

Lance sobs and falls to the floor as Hunk leaves the room, wings laying limply behind him.

Why did he have to endure this? Was this his punishment? To be tortured until he actually wanted to die?

Lance crawls to the back of the corner behind the bed and wraps himself in his aching kagune. To anyone who approached the glass he was a red cocoon.

The room stays silent for hours, no one willing to look at him Lance guesses. He waits patiently for the air to leave the room, like Allura threatened, but it doesn’t come.

So he just sits in silence.

It’s difficult to tell the passing of days in this isolated cell, but Lance guesses it has been a few days from his stomach pains when the mic finally clicks on again.

The soft static is loud in the silent room.

A breath fills Lance’s cell, he’s not sure whose.

“Have you eaten?” It’s Keith.

Lance snorts morbidly, what do you think Keith? He eats people.

“I brought you a coffee?” Keith says, a glass pane sliding open in the glass, “Hunk told me you could probably drink it?” The scent of the drink and Keith hit him hard.

“Wait!” Lance yells, causing Keith to take a step back.

“Just,” Lance winces, “Use a stick or something to push it in.”

Keith hesitates a moment.

“I’m…” Lance shakes inside his wing cocoon, “It’s been too long. I can’t control myself well.”

Keith closes the panel and leaves the room, the mic still on, and for a moment Lance worries he’s not coming back. A few moments later Lance hears Keith return and the panel opens again.

Lance can feel it the moment the cup is close enough to reach and springs up uncontrollably, grabbing the cup and downing it quickly as the pane clicks shut once more.

Once the cup is empty and he’s back to his senses, he looks up at the glass. Keith had fallen back when Lance had jumped up and was staring at him wide-eyed.

Lance tears up and scrambles back towards his corner.

“Wait!” Keith says.

Lance freezes in place.

“Um,” Keith mumbles, “Just sit down.”

Lance sits on the floor and turns towards Keith, keeping his eyes on the ground. He folds his wings behind his back, trying to be less intimidating.

“What happened at the library?” Keith asks. Lance freezes up, he should have seen this coming.

“Lance?”

“I lost control,” Lance says plainly.

“More detail than that, Idiot.” Keith says.

Lance grits his teeth, what does it matter? Keith may call him an idiot as if they were just goofing off but Lance can never have that again. He’s going to die in this cage.

“Ghouls can only go so long without… food. I was at my limit and lost control.” Lance explains.

“So you ate them?” Keith asks, the question grating at Lance. Wasn’t it obvious?

 “Yes! I ate them!” Lance snaps, tears running freely, “I tore them apart and ate them! I’m a monster! Are you happy?” Lance puts his head in his hands, he’s never going to see Earth again.

“Did you want to eat me?”

Lance chokes at the question, how is he supposed to answer that?

“We were alone. You could have killed me and blamed it on the galra. No one would have known,” Keith says, “Why didn’t you?”

“The hell kind of question is that, Keith?” Lance says angrily. His voice drops suddenly, “You are- You were my friend? I don’t want to hurt you.”

Keith nods and stands, turning off the mic before leaving.

Lance sits and sobs in the middle of the floor. He’s alone again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've gotten several questions about space-ghouls and such and it was SO painful not to say anything!! So yes- space ghouls are a thing. And Allura isn't a fan. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!! And don't forget to comment! Special thanks to ChocolateMuffinz, BATCATT, jam2014, PuppetMaster55, RustyEyron, Aiko_Hiroki12, Reality+Deviant, Floranna, Thus, Hides_Samosas, and jy for their comments last chapter!


	12. Flat-Line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance sits alone for too long. 
> 
> <1200+ Words>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 12! :D 
> 
> Side Note: My winter break is drawing to a close, unfortunately, which means I can no longer write all day. This doesn't mean I'm stopping writing, it just means updates may take a little longer. (I've been spoiling y'all).

Lance thinks it’s been a few days again. The coffee helped for a little while but the stomach cramps are back. It feels like hell, his whole body burns.

Which is why Lance is laying flat on the cool floor now, wings laying limply on the ground beside him. It feels nice. He’s never heard of a ghoul starving to death before but he supposes it’s possible.

Shiro stopped by at some point, turning on the mic a few seconds before turning it off again. He stands there for a few moments staring at Lance before turning and leaving.

Lance doesn’t blame him.

Lance thought he saw the alarm lights of an attack flash earlier as well and hopes they’re okay without Voltron. Unless they’ve already replaced him. Lance loves Blue but can’t find it in him to be upset if she chose a new Paladin. He was never supposed to drive her anyway. He’s just a monster.

Lance closes his eyes and sleeps for a while, having nothing else to do.

Allura comes in and yells but her words are muddled and Lance can’t find it in him to care. He goes back to sleep.

Hushed whispers wake him this time and he glances up. A green and red blur, it’s Pidge and Keith.

“This is crazy! You’re crazy!” Pidge hisses, “You’re going to get us killed!”

“We’ll be fine,” Keith hisses back. What are they doing? Lance tries to focus but they remain blurry.

The panel opens and the smell of _food_ hits him. Lance wants to get up and eat. _Needs_ to. But he can’t move.

A soft thump vibrates the floor and a white package rolls towards him. Lance tries to twist near it, to reach it, to _eat_ it, but it just makes his body hurt and exhausts him.

Lance laughs weakly, there’s food _right there_ , he can smell it, but he’s going to die from starvation anyway.

His vision rolls and the room swirls around him. He feels sick.

“Keith, no!” The green blur says, pulling back the red, “He might be faking it.”

Lance’s head rolls limply and he looks at the ceiling instead. Everything is so white. Are his eyes even open at all?

“He’s not faking anything! Just look at him!” There’s a pause. “Either we help or he dies, Pidge. And then we’ll never get answers.”

The voices are silent for a moment before a slight swishing fills the air. Lance wonders if it’s the wind. Is this what the wind sound like? He doesn’t remember.

Something grabs him and Lance flails before falling limp again, breathing heavily. He looks up fearfully, body trembling, he doesn’t want to die.

It’s the red blur and it holds his head. Lance tries again to focus but nothing changes.

“Pidge! Get in here and cut up the arm! I need help!” The red blur says, Lance notices there’s white and black mixed with the red as well. It’s pretty.

“I-I can’t!” The other voice says, the thought of who it belongs to slipping away.

“Then get Hunk! Now!”

There’s a soft pattering as the voice leaves and he’s alone with the blur. It’s warm. Lance tries to speak but it comes out as a cough, he doesn’t know what he was trying to say anyway.

“Shh, you’re fine. Just wait for Hunk.” The voice shushes.

Lance’s mind must have dipped away for a moment because when he focuses again there’s two blurs and something being pressed against his mouth.

He startles at the new threat and the object is pushed past his teeth. Lance tries to spit it out at first but his mouth is blocked. Something warm wipes his head and he calms, tasting the lump.

It’s like Heaven.

Lance swallows the food, making the two sigh in relief. Whatever was blocking his mouth goes away and another piece is pressed to his lips.

He takes it easier this time and soon they fall into a pattern. When they first give him water he chokes but soon begins to swallow that easily as well.

They keep this up for a while before Lance feels his stomach grow heavy and rolls over, closing his eyes.

Keith tenses, “Is he dead?”

Hunk laughs half-heartedly, “No, I think we wore him out.” Hunk lifts Lance off Keith’s lap and pours him on the bed. Lance curls up again and pulls up his wings instinctively.

Keith and Hunk flinch at the movement but calm when Lance just wraps them around himself like a blanket. They press some bandages over his wounds before stepping back. Keith heads towards the open door but Hunk hesitates, standing over Lance.

“What are you waiting for?” Keith asks.

“Go ahead I just-,” Hunk pauses, “I don’t know.”

Keith nods anyway and leaves the room to an unconscious Lance and Hunk, the idea of Hunk being at risk alone with the ghoul not even crossing his mind. He just ate after all.

Hunk stands there for a second before shakily reaching out and running his fingers over Lance’s kagune. They’re softer than he thought they would be, like worn leather.

Lance shifts in his sleep, and as hunk flinches away the wings raise towards Hunk’s touch.

Hunk’s eyes water. He continues to stroke the odd limb.

At first he didn’t think it was Lance, it couldn’t be Lance. He’s known Lance forever.

As soon as he had understood what Lance was he felt betrayed and all his old insecurities had risen to the top of his mind. Lance was the one who had made him more self-confident, so if Lance was a lie, everything he said was too, right?

Thinking back, Lance never really lied to him, not really. At least he doesn’t think so. He evaded questions and neglected Hunk’s trust, yes. But lie? Well, he lied to the group once, sure, but that’s because he had just eaten two galra.

And Hunk really doubts Lance’s panic attack after that event was a charade. If it was, well, it was incredibly well done.

And so was the nightmare he had to shake Lance out of.

Lance didn’t tell him the truth but why would he? When Hunk first learned ghouls were real he had nightmares for weeks, imagining them to be sharp-toothed and demon-like. He had called Lance late at night several times and it took him forever to calm him down.

He’d repeatedly convince him that a ghoul would never hurt him. Hunk wonders now if his words were just to calm him or if they were some kind of promise.

Hunk glances around the cell, he wouldn’t have told anyone either.

Lance may be the monster but Hunk’s a horrible friend.

Lance had called him his best friend, his brother, and Hunk had left him to die. The glass of the room was soundproof, but only to those inside the cell.

And Hunk didn’t believe him so he left Lance to _die_. 

Hunk’s stroking slows and Lance turns again in his sleep.

Lance mumbles, “Mom?”

Hunk shivers. He had basically threatened Lance’s family too. Lance didn’t talk about them often but during their first mind-melding session everyone had gotten a good idea of how much they meant to him.

Hunk pulls his hand away and leaves the cell, closing the door behind him.

He’s hurt Lance enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More Hunk! Isn't it great! Haha... ha... //kill me//
> 
> Don't forget to comment (It's literally mt #1 motivation). Special thanks to jam2014, hybridkitsune, PuppetMaster55, PaintedFox, geesus_way, Thus, Aiko_Hiroki12, RustyEyron, jy, ChocolateMuffinz, Floranna, Pixiedidi, Hides_Samosas, and Waslala for their comments last chapter! (Gosh, that's a lot of people, thank you!!!)
> 
> Thanks for reading!!


	13. Awake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance and Keith talk. 
> 
> <1400+ Words>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyaa! Here's chapter 13!!
> 
> //Y'all are so lucky- I have 280 bookmarks and none of them have updated since the Jan 7th... It's the 13th ;-;//

Lance wakes up confused. He’s somehow gone from the floor to his bed and he’s no longer as hungry. He flexes his wings and realizes it, as well as his chest wound, have been re-bandaged.

Someone entered his cell Lance realizes with a shiver.

The mic clicks, “How do you feel?” Keith asks.

Lance jumps a little, not seeing him there before, “What happened?”

Keith tilts his head, “You really don’t remember?”

What didn’t he remember? What happened? Lance pulls at his hair, panic rising, did he hurt someone? He full stomach suddenly becomes much heavier. Did he _eat_ someone? Lance gags.

“Lance! Lance, look over here! You need to calm down.”

Lance shakes his head, he can’t. He can’t.

“Dang it, Lance,” Keith says.

The glass doors slide open and Lance falls from the bed, pushing himself into the corner, “Stop! Stop! I’m- I’ll-.”

Lance cowers as Keith comes closer, pushing himself against the wall. He covers his eyes with his hands, panting for air.

“Please d-don’t hurt me. I-I didn’t mean to-,” Lance cries, he waits but nothing happens.

Lance peeks through his fingers to see Keith sitting a few feet in front of him. He looks upset, Lance shivers and closes his eyes again.

“Lance calm down!” Keith says, slightly yelling and effectively doing the opposite of calming Lance down, “You didn’t do anything!”

Lance can only shake. He doesn’t know what to do.

Keith lowers his voice, “Are you really this scared of me?”

Lance shivers and leans his head down, running his fingers through his hair, “I’m sorry.”

Keith sighs, “I liked it better when you would yell at me.”

“Sorry.” Lance mumbles. Keith drags a hand down his face, this isn’t working.

“You almost died,” Keith says. Lance looks up, surprised.

“I didn’t know what to do. Allura’s convinced you’re an Alter-nam or something and Coran’s on her side, so they’re no help. Shiro,” Keith pauses a second, taking a breath, “Shiro isn’t taking this well and mentioning you around Hunk only upsets him.”

Lance perks up at Hunk’s name but stays quiet as Keith continues.

“So when we were attacked Pidge and I got you, uh, food? A galra soldier.” Lance swallows, so that’s what it was. “We tried to just give a part of it to you, just an arm, but you were just too far gone. Hunk had to-.”

“Hunk was here?” Lance asks, unable to stop himself.

Keith raises an eyebrow, “I’m telling you about how you almost died and you want to know about Hunk?”

Lance nods hesitantly.

“Geez. Yea. He was here. He helped me, uh, feed you.” Keith says, looking at Lance sadly.

Lance catches his expression and his heart tightens, “Is he okay? Did I hurt him?”

Lance’s questions surprise him, as he was just a whimpering pile of jello moments before, but he goes along with it. This is better than apologies.

“Hunk is fine. Well, kind of,” Keith says, scratching the back of his head, “You didn’t hurt him or anything, he’s just…”

Lance stares.

“He’s not talking,” Keith says, not knowing a better way to phrase it.

Lance tears up.

“Dang it, I shouldn’t have said anything-,” Keith reaches out towards Lance but pulls his hand back when Lance flinches, “Hunk will be fine! He’s-.”

Lance shakes his head, “No! He’s not- Hunk was…”

A sob interrupts Lance’s words as he breaks into another panic attack. As much as Keith wants to help him he has never been good at dealing with crying.

“Crap, uh,” Keith looks around, “Uhh.” What would Hunk do? He’s good at this kind of thing?

Keith crawls forward awkwardly and wraps his arms around Lance. Lance jerks back for a moment before shakily leaning in and pulling his arms around Keith as well.

Keith pats at Lance’s back, right below his wings, uncertain if he’s doing this right.          

Lance’s kagune unfurl from the cramped position he had previously held them and raise around them. Keith struggles not to jerk away.

Lance slowly regains control over his breathing so Keith guesses he didn’t completely mess it up.

“Are,” Lance trembles, “Are you not scared of me?”

Keith snorts and leans away, “Of you? Only when you’re driving.”

Lance wipes his eyes, smiling slightly, “Really?”

Keith nods.

Lance sniffles and takes a deep breath, “Hunk used to be mute.”  Keith’s eyes widen, “He and I met in middle school, he was- he had been bullied. For a long time.”

“Oh.”

Lance pulls his knees to his chest, there being no meaning to explain any further. He had broken Hunk, plain and simple.  

“Uh-,” Keith leans back against the bed frame awkwardly, not knowing what to say. They’ve never been good at talking on-on-one for long without fighting and now the knowledge that Hunk may never speak again hangs heavy between them.

All the paladins carried more on their shoulders than they appeared, they were only human, well, mostly, but the longer they were in space the heavier the others found their teammates weights to be. And they’ve only been in space about five months.

Keith coughs.

“Um. We have more, uh, food. For you, I mean, if you want any?”

Lance gapes, embarrassed and surprised, but nods. The arm had helped substantially, yes, but it wasn’t a lot.

As Keith closes the doors Lance hopes this wasn’t some sort of isolation and hunger induced hallucination. He wouldn’t know how to deal with that. He presses his hand against the spot Keith had been sitting.

It’s warm.

It was real.

A few minutes later Keith returns carrying a white bag, followed by Pidge. Lance tucks his wings as much as he can.

They look like they’re arguing but Lance can’t hear them. Pidge makes a motion towards him while she talks and Lance tightens himself into the corner.

This can’t go well.

Watching them speak but not being able to hear or smell them is an odd experience. Like watching a muted television.

When they stop Keith looks defeated, Lance isn’t sure if that’s a good or bad thing. Pidge turns toward the glass and Lance notices she has her bayard strapped to her side. A shiver goes down his spine.

Keith had been nice. He wouldn’t let anyone hurt him while he was here, right? Or was it just a trick to get his trust?

Oh, God, please don’t let it have been a lie.

They click on the mic and sit in front of the glass, opening the small, floor-level panel.

“Do you think you can come closer?” Pidge asks.

Lance nods but finds he can’t really feel his legs. He pushes them out and they prickle with needles. Lance presses against the wall and slowly pushes himself to his feet shakily.

“Pidge, this is ridiculous,” Keith hisses, as Lance slips and catches himself on the bed, “Let’s just go in!”

“He could be-.”

Keith groans, “He’s not faking it. Besides, I was fine this morning.”

“You did what?” Pidge yells, the noise effectively wiping out Lance.

“I went in this morning okay! It’s not a big deal.” Keith says, crossing his arms.

Lance gives up and pushes himself back in the corner, eyes watering fro frustration. This isn’t working.

Pidge punches Keith in the shoulder, “You dang emo, do you have a death wish?”

“It’s just Lance, Pidge.”

They glance at Lance, who is crouched in his corner once more slightly panting. He sees them looking and flinches, “Sorry.”

“Uhg. Fine!” Pidge punches Keith again as she stands. “If I die though I’m going to haunt you forever,” she whispers.

Keith rolls his eyes.

The doors slide open and the two enter and walk over to the bed. Lance tries his best to look unintimidating, the sudden realization that his eyes have been black and red this whole time not helping him.

Keith sits on the floor against the bedframe like before and Pidge sits on the bed. Lance was jokingly afraid of Pidge before all this but now that she’s sitting above him with a weapon he feels true terror grip him. He quickly looks at Keith and the floor instead.

“Okay,” Pidge says, making Lance jump, “We’re going to do a game of twenty-ish questions. Every time you answer you get a piece of, uh, that.” She waves at the bag in Keith’s lap, “If you lie you don’t get a piece.”

“Is this really necessary?” Keith asks, “He’ll answer everything without this, you know.”

“Keith, I swear-.” Pidge starts.

“I’ll-,” Lance swallows, feeling their eyes on him, “I’ll do it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This wasn't horrible, right? At least no one is dying/dead this time haha... yea...
> 
> Don't forget to comment! Special thanks to *XL Breath* Aiko_Hiroki12, BATCATT, Harmonixa, Hides_Samosas, PuppetMaster55, RustyEyron, Pandoramidnightblue, thus, cladonia_ct, ChocolateMuffinz, Waslala, jy, hybridkitsune, geesus_way, FrostPheyonix, Emmy984, Skiewrites, and Anonymous for their comments last chapter!


	14. Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some questions are answered.
> 
> <1600+ Words>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 14! :D
> 
> **Slight suicide mention warning, though it's not explicit**

Pidge crosses her legs and gives Keith a smug look, pulling out her laptop from her bag, “Okay! So with the first question, we’ll start easy.”

Lance nods. What does she need her laptop for?

“Why did you join the Garrison?”

Lance blinks, surprised, that’s not exactly what he was expecting. “I wanted to be a pilot,” he answers simply.

Keith reaches to pull a chunk out of the bag.

Pidge raises a brow suspiciously and waves for Keith to wait, “Really? It had nothing to do with being a ghoul in a high ranking position?”

“No,” Lance says, starting to worry that she’ll think all his answers are lies, “I just wanted to be a pilot.”

Pidge gives him a look and he squirms uncomfortably, trying not to think about how he’s basically cornered by the two humans. He’s panicked enough for one day.

Pidge nods to Keith and types something. Keith hands Lance a chunk of flesh wrapped in paper and he awkwardly unwraps it as they watch.

The cold paper numbs his fingers as he holds it, noticing it has been skinned and deboned. Lance wonders if Hunk did it. He shakes away the thought and takes a bite. It pulls the pain he had been ignoring from his very bones. He holds back a moan.

Pidge continues as he takes another bite, “Next question, how often do you need to eat?”

“A-About every two months?” Lance answers, mouth full.

Pidge pales, “And the last time you ate was at the library? Before now?”

“Yea?” Lance says, anxiety rising.

“And what happens when ghouls go past two months?”

Keith glances at Pidge with a confused expression, “I already told you-.”

“I want to hear it from him,” Pidge says, cutting him off.

Lance trembles, “I- We lose control and have to eat,” the galra child flashes through his mind and he pales, “Is that enough?”

Pidge wants to expand on it but Lance looks like he’s going to faint so she decides against it, “Uh. Okay, moving on,” she mutters, typing.

They continue like this for a while, with Pidge asking questions and Lance answering them. Keith hands over wrapped pieces of meat and occasionally has to calm Lance down and make Pidge back off.

She’s not trying to be cruel, Lance knows, but some questions are just… painful. Like the question about what happens to captured ghouls on Earth.

Just the idea of his family being torn apart and their kagune turned into weapons sends him into a meltdown. It doesn’t help that he really has no idea if they’re even alive anymore. A lot can happen in a few months.

After that Pidge tried to put off the more “stressful” questions till the end, the key word being tried.

“Have you ever been to Japan- oh,” Pidge asks, realizing too late the implications behind that question.

Lance had an inkling that these were questions from the whole team but this confirmed it.

“No,” He answers, voice not as shaky as before, the flow of questions and answers becoming easier to handle the more they went through, “And I’ve never… killed anyone, before the library.”

“What did you eat then?” Keith asks, “Did your parents-.”

“No!” Lance shrinks back at his own outburst, “They never- We didn’t hurt people. We always moved near areas with, uh, high suicide rates? People usually jumped off a cliff in the woods behind our house and we would go out before the police did their rounds.”

Lance’s dad and uncle did it alone for a while, but after their uncle was caught Lance had started helping. It was miserable. The people they found usually had a look of terror on their faces, as if they had changed their minds before they hit the ground.

It didn’t effect Lance much until he recognized one of those faces. It was a girl from his art class, she was really good at painting fish. Goldfish with bulging eyes and flowing tails that looked so real you expected them to swim out of the paper.

He didn’t eat that month and no one in his family blamed him.

Lance softly tells them about her, his voice betraying his thoughts to keep it to himself.

 Pidge looks pale, “So, you ate suicide victims.”

Lance looks at his hands, “It was better than the alternative.”

They sit in thick silence for a moment, the only sound the clicks of Pidge’s keyboard, no one knowing what to say. What Lance did was terrifying, yes, but honestly? What did they want him to do instead? Ask permission? Starve to death?

“Is-,” Keith speaks up, voice low, “Is that why you befriended, Hunk?”

Lance winces and pulls his kagune around his arms slightly, comforting himself, “I didn’t want to find him in the woods too.”

Pidge coughs, “Uh, we’re down to the harder questions now,” she says changing the subject to Lance’s relief. She bites her lip and looks down at Lance before sliding onto the floor between him and Keith, “Do you think you’ll be okay?”

It wasn’t a huge act of trust, just a small movement and a few gentle words, but it was enough to make Lance’s heart twist painfully. First Keith and now Pidge? The thought of it just being a hallucination whispers cruelly in the back of his mind.

The floor was warm where Keith had sat before... Right? Lance tries to think back but he can’t be sure, his memory blurred. Maybe he imagined that too?

Lance reaches down and touches the floor. It’s cold. His hand shakes.

“Lance?” Keith asks. Lance looks up to meet their worried expressions.

Humans aren’t supposed to act like this when they found out. They were supposed to be terrified- he was a monster. He was supposed to be dead, abandoned, replaced. Yet Lance can see the trust reforming in their eyes.

It can’t be real.

“Just-,” Lance’s brows furrow and he struggles not to cry again, “Can I-,” He stutters, searching for the right words but coming up with empty-handed. Lance groans, frustrated, and buries his head in his hands, his fingers cold against his skin.

Why even ask? Why break the illusion?

It’s going to break eventually, the voice says, he might as well get it over with, “Are you real?”

Lance’s desperate effort to hold back tears evades him and they run like rivers down his cheeks, dripping down his chin. Even his tears feel like ice. He hiccups, “Everything is so cold. I don’t know- I can’t tell if-.”

Lance looks up to check if they’re still there and they are, their faces a mixture of confusion and surprise. A shiver goes down his spine. Will his mind not give up this façade already?

The steel walls against his wings suddenly feel much colder and he shivers, pulling them tighter against himself in an attempt to be warmer.

He reaches towards Pidge but draws back almost immediately, suddenly afraid that if he touches them they’ll disappear.

Pidge doesn’t move at his action, lost in her confusion. What triggered this? He had gotten upset before with a few questions, yes, but it was nothing like this.

The realization that Lance has basically been in an isolation chamber for the past few weeks hits her hard. He didn’t even have a shirt or blanket.

It was bad enough that they had taken weeks to find out that the automatic feeding chute for the cell was broken. The coffees and coffee-based foods piling up inside the walls, never to reach their destination.

But this? Compared to the effects of isolation, starving to death was a Sunday drive to an amusement park.  

Pidge feels sick. They had literally tortured him, mentally and physically, yet when he was given an easy opportunity to kill them he hid in the corner, like a caged animal. Hell, he’s still in a corner.

The rest of Pidge’s suspicions fall away as she watches Lance sob terrified in front of them.

She believes him.

This is Lance, the obnoxious flirt who used pick-up lines on every being he met. This is Lance, the guy she had pillow fights with. This is Lance, her teammate and fellow paladin.

This really is Lance and always was.

Pidge scrunches up her face as tears escape the corners of her eyes. What have they done? What has _she_ done?

She leaps forward with a wail and wraps herself around Lance, scaring Keith from his shock and completely terrifying Lance. Lance flails, wings hitting the wall in his surprise, but it only causes Pidge to grip tighter.

“I’m so sorry!” Pidge sobs, “We’re real, Lance- I promise!”

After the initial panic of practically being tackled fades, the warmth of Pidge’s grip grows. Lance slowly wraps her in his arms, fingers spreading against her back.

She’s warm.

She’s real.

An entire new wave of tears pour from Lance’s eyes. She’s _real_.

Lance wraps himself fully around her, his fingers gripping at her shirt and threading through her hair. He tucks his face against her neck and breathes in, her familiar scent of iron and oil making her that much more real.

She’s real and doesn’t hate him. She’s _touching_ him.

Keith coughs awkwardly.

Pidge laughs, the sound striking through Lance like no words ever would, “Either join in or shut up, Keith.”

Keith sits and watches for a few moments more, shifting awkwardly before scooting closer. He puts a hand on Lance’s shoulder and squeezes comfortingly.

Lance looks up over Pidge’s shoulder and finds Keith looking at him with an expression he can’t decipher. It’s the same rare smile he has after some missions.

Like bittersweet happiness and pride all mixed together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a mess and so are my fics haha˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚
> 
> Thanks for reading and don't forget to comment! Special thanks to Hides_Samosas, Waslala, Skiewrites, LanceMySon, TrashyPotato, PuppetMaster55, RustyEyron, Luellaby, BruisedRoses, Sophie Friedenwald-Fishman, ChocolateMuffinz, geesus_way, Aiko_Hiroki12, jy, BATCATT, hybridkitsune, FrostPheyonix, and Nighttyger for their comments last chapter!! //there's so many of y'all ♥♥♥//
> 
> Special note! *throws confetti* Skiewrites has written a ghoul-voltron work inspired by me (I'm literally screaming) and it's realllyyyyy good so y'all should check it out!! You can read it (~￣▽￣)~[Here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13363728)~(￣▽￣~).


	15. Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More questions are asked.   
> <1000+ Words>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure how I feel about this chap- but I'm not going to mess with it anymore. :b /Plus I promised to go too long without an update~/  
> Enjoy!

They sit like that for a while. Lance sniffling into Pidge’s shirt as she gently rubs warmth back into him. Her arm brushes against his kagune and he tenses, pulling them tighter behind him once more.

Pidge notices and leans back slightly, “Do you not like people touching them? What are they anyway?”

“They’re my kagune, every ghoul has them,” Lance murmurs leaning towards the lost contact, drunk off the warmth, “Didn’t think you’d want to touch them.”

Lance presses his forehead against her shoulder, closing his eyes.

“So if I did want to you wouldn’t be-.”

If Lance is surprised he’s too far gone to show it, simply nodding. His wings may be private and delicate when not hardened into weapons, but he didn’t deserve to hold anything back at this point.

He’d cut them off himself if it meant they treated him like a person.

Plus, the cold numbness spread through his kagune as well and the idea of warm hands there doesn’t sound horrible. Lance is willing to let them tear the very organ from his back if only they used their hands.

He can’t stand this cold anymore.  

Pidge reaches out slowly and brushes her fingers against the odd limbs, which tremor slightly at her touch. They were alive, moving with an odd warmth, but they also gave off a feeling of being artificial, like the seat of her lion.

Her hands wander for a minute before stopping and she leans back towards the bed where she was sitting before. Lance whines as she leaves and reaches out.

“I think we’re good, clingy,” Pidge laughs, attempting to calm Lance. He isn’t having any of it though and rolls to the floor, practically crawling as his instinct roars at him not to be threatening, and puts his head in Pidge’s lap.

“Whatever,” she huffs, not really sounding upset, “You ready for the rest of the questions?”

Lance nods, closing his eyes.

Pidge opens her laptop once more, balancing it on the opposite leg Lance is on, and winces. There are only a few remaining but they are rather harsh. Many of them from Allura.

She closes it again and sets it aside. Keith looks at her confused, “Are we not going to finish?”

She glances down at Lance, who is curled up like a child against her leg, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

A smug look crosses Keith’s face and Pidge sticks out her tongue. He was right and she knew it.

“How about we let Lance ask questions?” Keith says.

Lance stirs, confused, “About what?”

“Anything! You’ve been in here- uh,” Pidge catches herself, “You’ve been away a while. Ask about whatever.”

“How is everyone?” Lance asks gently, not wanting to overstep and make them leave.

“They’re okay,” Pidge says, running her fingers through his hair absently, “It’s not the same without you though.”

So they haven’t replaced him yet? Would Blue not take a new paladin unless he was dead?

“What’s going to happen to me?” Lance whispers, tensing when he realizes he said the question aloud.

Pidge’s hand stops moving.

“Sorry,” Lance says, a flicker of panic rising, “I shouldn’t have asked-.”

“Shut up, Lance, it’s fine,” Keith says, silencing Lance.

Keith turns to Pidge, “What are we going to do? We can’t keep him locked up forever.”

Pidge thinks for a second, “We’ll talk to the team. It’s obvious he’s not dangerous or whatever Allura thinks he is, or he would have killed us a while ago.”

Lance is confused, mind swirling, what does that mean? Are they done with him? He trembles.

“Please don’t kill me,” He whispers, drawing back the attention of the two humans, who had almost forgotten he was in the room.

Lance regretfully pulls himself away from Pidge and back into the corner, “I’ll be good, I swear.”

“No one said anything about killing you, Lance,” Keith says.

The memory of Allura yelling as he laid on the floor comes back to him.

“Allura did,” Lance mumbles, voice barely audible.

“She did what!?” Pidge yells, scaring Lance slightly, “I’m going to-.”

Keith puts a hand on Pidge’s shoulder, “Pidge, you need to stay calm. Going after Allura isn’t going to help Lance.”

Pidge huffs and stands, “Okay, but if she says something-.”

“Then you’ll stay calm and rational,” Keith says, standing as well.

It hits Lance they’re going to leave, “Y-You’ll come back? Right?”

            Pidge pulls off her hoodie, squats down, and hands it to Lance, who hugs it tight to his chest, “We’ll be back soon.”

“And we won’t let anyone hurt you, Lance,” Keith promises, “It’ll be okay. I promise.”

As they walk towards the door, Keith pauses and turns back, “I’ll talk to Hunk for you- try to get him to visit.”

A small hope flickers to life in Lance, maybe Hunk could forgive him too? He nods, “Thank you.”

The doors shut and the mic flips off. Lance waits, squeezing Pidge’s hoodie tighter with every passing minute, Keith’s promise of safety keeping him sane.

A small smile escapes onto his lips, it’s going to be okay. He promised.

After a few minutes Lance decides to attempt to walk again. He stretches his legs out along the cool floor and waits as the needles fade before pushing himself up against the wall once more. It takes a second to steady himself, and Lance worries if he even is able to walk before he finally catches his balance.

Lance is so distracted he doesn’t realize that he’s no longer alone until the air around him becomes thinner. At first he thinks it’s from the exertion but soon his throat tightens and he fears it’s more than that.

His fragile smile falls away.

The room swirls around him and he falls back, gasping. What’s going on? Keith said he’d be okay? Lance’s heart pounds, Keith wouldn’t lie, right? He _promised_!

As darkness fills his vision he’s not so sure.

Lance glances at the glass to see Allura standing on the other side and the reality of the situation crashes down on him right when his consciousness does.

A half hour later, when Pidge, Keith, and a reluctant Hunk step into the cell room, they find it empty. The green of Pidge’s sweatshirt the only color in the room, lying abandoned in the middle of the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to comment and special thanks to everyone who commented on the last chapter! //I'm too tired to type them out this time, sorry guys. There's a lot of you! <3//
> 
> {Don't be afraid to point out mistakes- I'm sure there are some in this chap...}


	16. Homesick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance survives.  
> <1700+ Words>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! School and mental health have been beating me up recently. :,D
> 
> Enjoy this chapter!

The first thing Lance realizes is that the air is different. His cell has a slight dusty smell to it but now it’s crisp. His nose wrinkles as he opens his eyes.

It only takes a second to understand where he is, though he’s never seen the room from this point of view before.

He’s in one of the enemy prisoner chambers, the kind that could throw him into space at the tap of a finger. Did they change their mind?

Panic fills him, fear clawing at his lungs in an instant. The air is suddenly too thin and too hot and any previous reservations about his relationship with the team are swallowed in his need to survive. Lance screams.

“Keith! Pidge!” Lance yells, pounding his fists against the glass, “Please! You promised!? Hunk? Somebody? Shiro?”

The glass is thick but cracks slightly under Lance’s hands, built to contain unconscious, bound prisoners, not a panicking ghoul.

Allura enters Lance’s line of sight and he almost calls out to her. Almost.

“You’re awake!” Allura says cheerfully, eyes wild, “Tell me, Altearnae, who did you eat to become this?”

Lance freezes, this again? “Allura, I’m not-.”

Allura laughs, the sound desperate and false and sending a shiver down Lance’s spine. She’s not going to listen. “Do you know who my mother ate?”

Lance gapes- what?

“She ate her own child! Swallowed her own stillborn baby! Couldn’t stand to lose him!” Allura smiles but her cheeks are wet and blotchy.

“Practically turned herself into a monster on accident and they killed her for it! And now _you’re_ here, alive, while she’s dead- While _they’re_ dead.”

Lance’s hands lay stiff against the glass, arms locked and kagune useless tucked in the small space. His mind swirls.

“You can’t have survived alone- where are the others?” Allura meets Lance’s eyes for the first time in weeks. Lance chokes.

Her expression is just like those on news. The parents and friends that begged for anyone to tell them anything about their missing person. Begging to find a person that had silently disappeared into the woods one day and never returned, thinking that no body meant they were still alive, the thought that the body had been eaten by their neighbors never crossing their minds.

Lance gasps and struggles for words but the sounds die in his throat. What could he say? He may not be Allura’s monster but he is a monster.

Lance can only cry as his will to live battles against his belief he doesn’t deserve to.

It doesn’t matter anyway, Allura is going to make the choice for him.

“Answer me!” Allura yells, hitting the glass. Lance flinches and shakes his head. Allura hovers her hand over the eject button, “Answer me now!”

Lance closes his eyes.

“Allura, stop!” Pidge’s voice echos from down the hall, outside of Lance’s view, footsteps following after. Allura turns towards the sound.

Lance opens his eyes again and swallows, “P-Pidge?”

“Stay back! I-I’ll do it!” Allura’s voice cracks, she doesn’t sound as certain as she did before. She glances at Lance.

“A-Allura, please,” Lance says, giving it one last attempt, “I’m not what you think I am. I’ve never been off Earth before now, I swear.”

Allura looks skeptical, her hand still hovers over the button.

“I’ve known him since we were kids, Allura,” Hunk’s voice is deep and scratchy from lack of use, but its recognizable. If Lance wasn’t already crying he’d definitely be now, “Lance is from Earth.”

A pounding sound shakes the floor beneath them. Was that…

“What does it matter anyway?” Keith says, “Blue chose him and is going to tear through this ship to protect him regardless! He’s a paladin, Allura!”

It’s Blue.

Allura stills, her breathing ragged, before turning to Lance. Her eyes widen as if she’s truly seeing him for the first time in months.

“What have I done?” She drops her hand away from the button.

Lance lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and leans his forehead against the glass. It’s cold.

The memory of the overwhelming coldness of the cell flashes back through him. Lance shakes. He can’t go back.

He _won’t_ go back.

He’s decided. He’d rather die than go back.

The glass slides open and Lance falls onto someone, too lost in his thoughts to see who. He grabs on, his knuckles turning white in the fabric of their pants.

“Don’t put me back. I can’t go back. I can’t! I won’t! I-,” Lance begs, another panic attack rising. He tucks his head against their leg, “I-I’ll be good! I’m sorry- I’ll be good!”

A hand runs over his hair and Lance sucks in a breath. The scent shifts past his panic, “H-Hunk?”

Hunk lowers and wraps his callused hands around Lance’s back.

Lance hiccups. Hunk is here. Hunk is _touching_ him. “I’ll never lie again, I swear! Just don’t put me back in there, please don’t put me back-.”

Hunk pulls Lance’s head into his shoulder, effectively silencing him to soft sobs.

The hall is quiet, almost peaceful if not for the reality of the situation hanging over the group’s heads.

It only takes a few footsteps to break it.

Lance may have won over half the team, but the half that actually made the decisions was against him. Allura sparing his life means nothing.

He won’t go back.

Standing in the chute had, luckily, gotten the blood flow back into Lance’s legs. So when he suddenly stood and sprinted down the hall away from Coran and Shiro he only tripped once.

There’s a yell from Coran but no footsteps. Lance knows he’s not being followed but keeps running anyway.

Before he knows it he’s standing in front of Hunk’s room pushing open the door. Unconsciously he knows this is a horrible hiding place and Hunk might not want him in his room anymore but he can’t find it in himself to care. Hunk’s room is safe.

Lance hurries into the room, closing the doors behind him. He pulls the thick comforter off Hunk’s bed and crawls under the frame, wrapping his arms around the soft material. Once his wings are protectively wrapped around himself and the blanket Lance breaths in Hunk’s scent, an action he would have resisted a few weeks ago but relishes in now.

Smelling people is weird, not human, but no one thinks he’s human now anyway. Lance hugs the blanket tighter, it’s warm.

The soft familiarity of the room calms him, if he ignores the faint scent of alien gunpowder it’s almost like he’s back on Earth. Lance closes his eyes. Maybe if he wishes hard enough he’ll wake up at Hunk’s house on Earth, the events of the past few months just a weird dream caused by one of Hunk’s new recipes.

He’ll wake up and Hunk will smile at him and talk about pancakes and eggs and everything will normal. He’ll be human again.

It only takes moment for the warmth and comforting smells to put Lance to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only a few chapters left! :O
> 
> Side note- My Tumblr is now [@mirwrites](https://mirwrites.tumblr.com/) if anyone is interested! 
> 
> Don't forget to comment and special thanks to everyone who commented on the last chapter!! You're what keeps me writing! <3


	17. Changing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance is found.  
> <1500+ Words
> 
> *Slight suicide mention warning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! School has kept me busy and the words just aren't coming as smoothly to me as before, but I still intend to finish this. Thank you for sticking with me <3

Humans are distinct from other creatures in that they fear each other more than anything else. They may distort the human image and proclaim it a beast, a monster, but at the roots it is still human.

A wolf howls in the night and children shiver, thinking it a werewolf. The idea of a cursed human striking more fear than the actual beast.

Ghouls are no exception; humans would rather cross a rabid lion than a person with red eyes. What humans fail to realize is that that fear goes both ways.

Humans fear a wolf’s bite even when their guns are full, the beast is cornered, and the wolf’s angry growls have turned to whimpers. There is no mercy for evil beasts.

Ghouls are no exception.

Lance has known this ever since he was small. “Little Red Riding Hood” was never about not talking to strangers to him, though that lesson was also there, it was about never letting your disguise slip. The moment the child sees your teeth is the moment the woodcutter removes your head.

For in children’s stories, Lance is the wolf.

 So when Lance wakes to vibrations on the floor. He only for a split second wants to tell Hunk to go back to sleep, as if he was still in his sheep’s clothing.

It isn’t a dream. Never was. He’s still in space. And everyone knows he’s the wolf.

Lance tenses for a moment, unable to see who was in the room from his bed den. The smell hasn’t changed much, still heavy with spices and a hint of metal, so it must be Hunk.

Lance guesses that’s better than the other options, though for once in his life he wouldn’t be opposed to it being Keith. A lot has changed.

A pause then a light vibration. Hunk’s sitting next to the bed. He knows he’s here.

Of course he does, Lance thinks, wincing, his comforter is missing.

“I-I’m sorry,” Lance says, the sound muffled.

Hunk doesn’t respond.

“I’ll g-give the blanket back, I’m sorry,” Lance sniffles, it crosses his mind that he never thought he’d be this afraid of Hunk. His best friend, the gentlest sheep of the entire herd. Of course, he never thought he’d be caught up in an alien space war either.

And he never thought Hunk would find out he’s a monster.

Lance tries to push the blanket out but finds it has knotted around him in his sleep. He flails, legs kicking uselessly at the fabric in the small space as he attempts to unravel it. He’s taken everything else away from Hunk, he has to give this back. He has to give it back _now_. He doesn’t deserve a blanket anyway. The blanket’s hold refuses to yield, his panic rises. He has to give it back-

A rip echoes like a gunshot, shooting through Lance’s lungs. Everything stops. The room is silent and the air heavy.

He’s officially ruined everything. Lance waits.

Nothing. Hunk may as well not be there, but he _knows_ he is. Soft huffs of breath prove he’s there. A heartbeat too if he focuses.

Yet it’s silent.

Hunk shouldn’t be silent. He’s only silent when he’s at his worst and he shouldn’t be silent- he _can’t_.

Flashes of the classmate he found in the woods appear in his mind and tears fill his eyes. He hasn’t just ruined everything.

He’s ruined _Hunk_.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m-,” Lance breaks off into a cry. It’s a wonder he has any tears left.

Hunk doesn’t respond.

“I’ve messed up everything. The blanket. Th-The team- I lied to you, to everyone. I’m sorry! I won’t lie again! I-I’ll be good! I won’t eat ever again, if you want,” Lance rambles, “Just- Just say something? Please? I’m so sorry. H-Hunk?”

Nothing. Lance questions if he’s gone crazy again. Is Hunk even really there?

“You can hate me,” Lance swallows, this being more painful than anything, “Please say something? You’re only q-quiet when you think you’re… and you’re not! It’s my fault. I’m so sorry. Hunk, please?”

A beat of silence.

“Come out?” Hunk says, voice raspy.

Lance shivers and pushes back against the wall behind the bed, the memory of the cold seeping through his fingers even as they clinch the blanket, “H-Hunk please, I’m sorry. I can’t. Not that, I can’t. Please don’t put me back there, I deserve it but, I won’t- I can’t do it again. It’s so cold, H-Hunk, please. I’ll-.”

A hand on Lance’s exposed kagune stops Lance’s pleas. It’s warm.

Is he going to pull me out?

Lance doesn’t think he’ll fight it if he does. He’s scared, yes, terrified, but if he fights back he might hurt Hunk.

More so than he already has.  

And that’s worse than the cold.

Sure enough, Hunk’s hand grips gently at the top of his wing and slowly pulls him out. Lance feels like a rabbit under a wolf’s paw.

Which is ironic since he’s the predator and Hunk’s technically the prey, but nonetheless he’s frozen.

This is Hunk.

This is _Hunk_.

Lance kept reminding himself that this was his childhood friend and he, probably, wouldn’t hurt him.

Hopefully.

It’s not like he didn’t deserve it the voice whispers. Lance shakes it away.

At least Hunk spoke?

Lance is fully in the light of the room now but doesn’t look up. He doesn’t deserve it and he doesn’t want to see his old friend’s expression.

And he doesn’t want his friend to see his.

They’re still for a moment before Hunk speaks again.

“Do you hate me?” Hunk whispers, voice cracking. Lance gapes at the floor, what?

“What?”

“I-I abandoned you. I threatened your family, I-I,” Hunk stops to rub his face.

“W-Why would I hate you, Hunk? I‘m the monster here, bud-,” Lance bites his tongue. He probably shouldn’t call him that anymore.

“No you’re not,” Hunk says, “You’re just Lance. I should have known better, I-.”

Lance huffs sarcastically, “How? You reacted exactly like anyone would. You literally watched me… watched me eat people, Hunk. How should anyone react to that? I don’t blame you and could never hate you.”  Lance swallows, “I won’t blame you if you hated me though.”

Lance sniffles, his face sore and nose running, “If-If you didn’t want to see me ever again I-I’d understand,” Lance’s voice cracks, “I’ll even, I’ll go back in the… the cell if you asked me too.”

Lance convulses slightly at the words but means it. He’d probably impale himself after they left him alone in there but he’d go back if Hunk asked.

 “The cell? You almost died in there, Lance. You were just _begging_ not to be put back there just minutes ago. Why-”

Lance curls up into the torn blanket, “I know,” Lance squeezes the fabric, “but if you wanted me to I would.”

Hunk stills for a second above him before he pulls Lance up against him, blanket and all. Lance tenses but soon relaxes against his shoulder.

He’s missed this.

“You’re not going back there, Lance,” Hunk says, voice steady, “You’re never going back there, I promise. And I don’t hate you.”

 Lance shakes and thanks him a billion times over. He finally looks up as well.

Hunk smiles at him the best he can with his face covered in tears and Lance does his best to smile back.

Maybe they’re not broken?

Hunk’s leg suddenly cramps and he jerks, dropping Lance off his lap. 

Lance thumps to the floor and Hunk turns to apologize but is cut off by Lance’s laughter.

“We were having a moment and you just,” Lance coughs, “You dropped me!”

“I-I didn’t mean to!” Hunk says, turning red.

Lance squirms, still completely tangled in the blanket, so much so that he can’t sit up. The shock of dropping so suddenly and relief of everything hits him all at once and he can’t stop laughing.

Hunk laughs too, the heavy stress in the room finally fading.

A knock at Hunk’s door comes too soon, just as Hunk finished helping Lance out of the ruined blanket, bringing them both back. Hunk should have known better to think some talking stressed laughter would fix everything.

Lance tenses as Hunk asks who it is.

“Uh, It’s Keith? I’m glad you’re talking now, I guess, um, did you find him?”

Hunk looks at Lance as if for permission and Lance nods. He can deal with Keith. Maybe.

Probably.

Keith slips in the room and quickly closes the door behind him. His eyes are puffy and laced with heavy bags, Lance is guiltily happy he’s not the only one who’s been miserable.

Their eyes meet and Lance quickly looks to the ground, remembering his own are still red. Still a monster’s eyes.

Lance stares at his hands and concentrates, he hasn’t tried in a while, maybe Allura’s medicine has worn off some?

He clinches his fists and slowly his wings recede alongside his eyes’ unnatural color, returning to their typical blue.

Lance smiles. At least that’s something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who commented last chapter, love y'all <3
> 
> //This chapter was difficult to write for some reason, note the wait, but I figure it's better to throw it out here and move on then to struggle over it. Hope it's not horrible ;-;//


	18. Resolve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance heads to his lion.
> 
> 1200+ Words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! School has been physically beating the crap out of me : ) /I got those a's though haha/
> 
> Also I have a toothache right now so my face hurts :' )
> 
> Anywho, enjoy the last chapter of this mess! Love y'all! ♥♥♥

Keith had come as a messenger and, for the first time since Lance’s secret had been exposed, it was good news. Hunk’s promise wouldn’t be broken.

Apparently, even Allura didn’t know what came over her, Keith says she’s horrified at what she’s done. That her past traumas just overtook her and she acted out of fear and instinct.

That’s Allura is “so, so sorry.”

Lance wants to forgive her, he really does. It’s his fault he’s a monster. Allura was just acting like any reasonable person would, right?

Either way, Lance wants to forgive her, and nods to Keith as if he does, but he knows that the next time he sees her he may pass out. Or pee himself.

Or cry. That one’s very likely.

It will never stop being ironic to him that he’s the monster yet he’s more afraid of them than they are of him. Of course, that’s what it was like on Earth too. He just had his family to hide behind then.

It’s been about a month since he’s ‘turned back.’ It took a long time for him to even come out of Hunk’s room, and that achievement just meant he hid in his own room.

Today, however, was a whole new achievement and Lance is so anxious he feels like a single noise may kill him.

He slips out of his room after Hunk brought his meal, peering around corners and holding his breath, his heartbeat pounding in his ears. He is allowed to roam, supposedly, but that didn’t mean he wants to see anyone. Specifically, Allura. Or Shiro.

A chill runs up Lance’s spine at the thought.

Luckily he reaches his Lion without incident, letting out a breath of relief as he approaches her and the glistening shield disappears.

 He runs his fingers over the smooth metal of her paws.

He almost lost her, Lance sniffles, maybe he didn’t deserve to have her in the first place?

The sudden soft glow of the lion’s eyes spoke otherwise, as if it read his thoughts.

“Lance?” Shiro’s voice echoes behind him, voice so familiar yet so faded in his memory.

Lance goes stiff. He was so close, only a matter of seconds away from entering the lion’s maw.

The glow wasn’t acceptance, just a warning, Lance realizes. He’s so stupid. Lance’s hands shake, the cold metal of the lion’s paw suddenly too much.

Too cold.

“Lance? Can we talk?” Shiro says again, no matter how much Lance wishes he’d disappear.

Why did Shiro want to talk to him? Did he not believe him? Maybe it didn’t matter, all ghoul are the same, right?

The galra child’s face flashes in his mind, smiling and smudged with red. Small hands reaching unknowingly towards the one who just ruined their life.

Yes. They’re all the same. No matter how much he tries to resist it. He deserves whatever he gets.

It doesn’t make him any less afraid though.

Lance’s knees gently knock against each other as Shiro’s footsteps grow closer behind him but otherwise Lance is glued to the floor.

The footsteps stop.

“Lance?” Shiro whispers, and Lance notices this time how rough his voice sounds, “Please look at me?”

Lance stays where he is, his instincts screaming for him to turn around but the fear of actually facing Shiro keeps him staring away.

“You know she wouldn’t lower her shields for anyone else?”

Lance stares at his hands.

“Allura couldn’t figure out why, it frustrated her endlessly, and for a while I didn’t understand either. You’re the same as the thing that killed my mother, right?”

The flinch that overcomes Lance’s body jerks him so hard he almost trips. ‘The thing,’ that’s what he is.

“But you’re not. You’re… You’re like me,” Shiro says, struggling for the right words.

Lance stills.

“I did horrible things as the galra’s gladiator. Most things so horrible I can no longer remember them, yet my lion still chose me. I couldn’t understand why they would but I think I get it now,” Shiro breathes heavily and Lance allows himself to breathe in the scent for once, consciously picking it apart.

Shiro smells like the mountains, with hints of minerals and pollen, and metal, but a different metal than Pidge. Shiro’s is more like copper, like the pennies he overlooked at home and now misses. He also smells of salt.

Like tears.

“The lions pick us not on our past, or even our futures, they pick us on what those experiences will make of us. What we did was wrong but we didn’t have a choice.” Shiro steps closer, “What matters is what we do when we have a choice. You’re not a monster, Lance. You just can’t escape your arena.”

Lance smiles a little at Shiro’s attempt to be sincere, he never was the best at this. He just does his best.

And that was good enough for him.

“D-Do you really mean that?” Lance asks, his voice shaky though his fear’s intensity was slowly fading.

“Of course, Lance.”

Lance listens to his heart, inwardly berating himself for the invasion of privacy. Shiro is telling the truth.

Lance gathers his courage and turns towards Shiro.

Shiro really is the same as he always was with no puffiness of the eyes that Lance surely still had regardless of the smell. It makes Lance wonder if he’s immune or just does it enough that he knows how to hide it.

He decides he doesn’t want to know the answer.

“I’ve done something horrible, Shiro,” Lance says, struggling to smile even as fresh tears flow down his cheeks.

“I saw, Lance-,” Shiro starts.

“No! You only saw half of it,” Lance says, cutting him off, “A-After I, uh, came to, a kid came out of the closet. A galra kid! T-They just walked through, though… everything and-.” Lance sinks to the floor hiding his head in his knees in a too familiar position.

Shiro stays silent.

“T-They fell in it and, and came to me and…” Lance chokes, why is he telling Shiro this? He didn’t even tell Hunk about this, why would he tell Shiro?

Maybe he does have a deathwish.

“Did you kill them?” Shiro asks, voice surprisingly even, “Did you eat the kid too?”

“No! Of c-course not!” Lance chokes, looking up at Shiro, “They were just a kid- I was myself again- I-I wouldn’t-.”

“Then it’s not that horrible,” Shiro says, voice steady.

“What? Shiro I-.”

“When you had a choice, were in control, you didn’t hurt anyone, right?”

Lance looks up at Shiro, understanding washing over his face, “Y-Yea.”

“You made the best decision you could at the time. A monster wouldn’t have thought twice about killing that kid, either to, er, eat them or save them for later.”

“I never wanted- I would never-,” Lance stammers, going slightly pale at the thought.

“Exactly. That’s what sets you apart from everyone else, that’s why you’re a paladin,” Shiro says smiling lightly. He takes the last step forward and ruffles Lance’s hair before heading towards the door.

“Wait!” Lance squeaks, Shiro turns back, “Uh. Thanks, Shiro.”

Shiro smiles, “No problem, anything for our sharpshooter.”

Lance sits at his lion’s feet for a few seconds before scampering into her maw. And if he cried for hours out of pure hope and happiness, well, that’d just be his secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read though to the end! And double thanks to everyone eho commented along the way, wouldn't have made it this far without you! ♥(*´▽｀*）


End file.
